U.S. Dept. Of Retro Warns: 'We May Be Running Out Of Past' WASHINGTON, DC—At a press conference Monday, U.S. Retro Secretary Anson Williams issued a strongly worded warning of an imminent "national retro crisis," cautioning that "if current levels of U.S. ret...

This article is 30 years old and I think about it all the time. theonion.com/u-s-dept-of-...

I think the banker may be cheating at Monopoly. Time to intensely study the rules while they'll surely sit quietly and abide by my findings.

They also do it to be like "Babe, look! Look babe! Babe I'm doing it! Loooook!"

Smartphones done made us all into Roger Rabbits, trying every day to resist our own personal Shaves & A Haircut

Don't be shy to take on a little two-week side project. These five months will be the most precious three years of your academic journey.

When you drove up to my cave, did you notice a sign that said Dead Saviour Storage?

dude that shit 'twas brillig as fuuck

It's so funny to me that right-wingers love to pretend to love the Middle Ages and the Crusades and all that and then complain that the Pope shouldn't get involved in politics.

The “Calvin’s dad explains two types” meme, inspired by a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon. Clockwise from top left: 1) Calvin’s dad walks into frame to find Calvin trying to operate a record player. The dad says: “There are only two industries left in America: gambling, and fraud.” 2) The dad shows where the record goes, and how to turn on the player, while Calvin watches. Dad says “Derivatives? Gambling. AI? Fraud. Video games? Gambling. Social media? Fraud.” Calvin says “yeah”. 3) With one hand open palm up, Calvin’s dad cheerfully explains to Calvin out of frame below him, “The stock market looks like gambling, but it’s actually fraud.” 4) In bed in a dark room, Calvin clutches at his pillow, eyes wide in existential terror. There is no text in the panel.

I get how on paper it must have seemed like a no-brainer, and I understand it meant a lot to Oswalt but

Everyone please welcome CBS News Immigration Analyst Viktor Orban.

I've lost track of how many times I've done this. So easy to organize, so impossible to maintain.

Revolution on Risa

#BlueJays fans, there's no way we can lose this season unless, of course, our nine all-stars fall victim to nine separate misfortunes and are unable to play.

Three misfortunes, that's possible. Seven misfortunes, there's an outside chance. But nine misfortunes? I'd like to see that!

A guy asking ChatGPT to review a series of fart sound effects and getting a serious kiss ass response that calls it atmospheric

I can't stop laughing at this post. It's perfect.

one day you walked out of Blockbuster for the very last time and you never even knew it

BREAKING: Following the American threat of an “Avignon Papacy,” Robert Kennedy has begun a Diet of Worms

Geez I wonder if anyone makes a bundle in the stock market tomorrow.

Typing & backtracking & deleting & starting over. Staring at a blank screen again. Needing to say ~something~ that no one will hear anyway.

I expected stupid, selfish, corrupt. Years of it even. I honestly didn't expect evil.

I'm just so inchoately furious, so tired, so exasperated, all the time.

A brief summary of current conservative political theory:

okay now Artemis II is out of range of Earth we can say what we actually think of them

I think we'll be okay once the season starts

Canadians are boycotting American goods and buying Canadian.

Like this potato.

It really belies the fact that for the wealthy and famous shithead class, going back to being a regular ol' person is a fate worse than prison.

I spent the better part of the '90s grinding parties of 8- and 16-bit sprites to level 99 only to never actually finish the game.

The Simpsons was great, sure. But the reason it's generational shorthand was relentless syndication in the post-school, pre-dinner block

Dogs speak like 1930 gangsters and wear little hats

A real yips fear settling in

Adults Lose Skills to AI. Children Never Build Them. Discussions of cognitive offloading often miss a critical distinction: What AI does to a 45-year-old's brain is categorically different from what it does to a 14-year-old's.

"Developers who fully delegated to AI produced working code but failed conceptual quizzes afterward. They couldn't debug what the AI had written for them. They had the output without the understanding."