You’re all out here Kill The Poor maxxing while I am When You Get Drafted gooning. You’re Moon Over Marin gooning while I’m Chicken Farm maxxing.

I hope this email finds you holed up with the other survivors figuring out the aliens’ weakness

This whole thread

(I know that’s actually not a permanent solution and pretending bad things aren’t happening is not a great survival strategy in the long run, but there was nothing I could do about it now.)

Dem leadership: changing this is a difficult process, you fool. You rube. You utter infant. Give us between $5 and $50

Mamdani, wiping grease off his hands: So it turns out there's a switch on this machine that puts it into either orphan-shredding mode or free school lunch mode. Just had to flip it

Johnson was impeached because he kept trying to fire this guy, Edwin Stanton, his secretary of war who was very extremely gung ho about brutally punishing confederates while Johnson was not.

Congress literally passed a bill specifically to protect Stanton's job.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edwin_S...

Rudy press conference at 4 seasons total landscaping

HAPPY FOUR SEASONS TOTAL LANDSCAPING DAY TO ALL WHO CELEBRATE

Boooooooo! <jealous I didn't think of it>

@govpritzker.illinois.gov's take on Kirk is the correct one:

"Political violence, unfortunately, has ramped up in this country ... I think there are people who are fomenting it in this country. I think the president's rhetoric often foments it."

On point. So glad Democrats are saying this.

A perfect gray tabby cat sleeping on a blue sofa

Timeline cleanse: a perfect cat

#catsofbluesky #catsky

pharmacists need to start inventing soda pops again. i know you've got Ritalin back there. What are you even doing all day?

i wrote a novella

it's about longtermist vampires, doing too many drugs, and socialism

it's available right now merrittk.itch.io/vampirocene

thanks to @slimyswampghost.bsky.social for the killer cover art

becoming the most hated physicist in the laboratory by saying "looks like somebody needs a HUGS Boson!" several times a day

The Actual Conspiracy Theory Surrounding Trump and Epstein It’s not what you think it is.

Instead of waiting for (redacted or doctored) Epstein files, media should publish court docs alleging that Trump raped Katie Johnson at Epstein's home when she was 13.

Why ignore what alleged victims have to say while giving adjudicated or alleged perps unlimited air time?

@katemanne.bsky.social

Quick shout out to all the tow truck drivers in LA who are quickly removing illegally parked ICE vehicles! Way to go!
THIS is how you do it! 💪

@joshgondelman.bsky.social ?

A comic.

however, perhaps... butts?

Fortunato (coughing): You’re certain the Criterion Closet is down here

Montresor (picking up a trowel): Definitely. Have you thought about your picks yet

Gargamel's getting close to figuring out alchemy. He hasn't figured out gold, but he's a pretty good silver Smurfer.

Honestly, I find Republicans cravenly delaying Medicaid cuts until 2027 encouraging, because it's the only evidence I've seen that they're still planning on having elections.

The only political split that matters - feed everyone on the off chance one person is hungry, or feed no one on the off chance someone undeserving might get fed

👇👇👇👇👇👇👇

When I say that we don't actually know that we're ~polarized~ nation, we only know that we're a gerrymandered and voter suppressed nation ⬇️

The bill eliminates the $200 registration fee for gun silencers, short-barreled rifles, short-barreled shotguns & other easily concealable guns (that actually goes towards registering, background checks, etc)

It adds fees for dialysis patients to be able to receive necessary treatment to stay alive

The stupidest people are in charge because we couldn’t prosecute a political crime because it would look too political.

4: Stopping courts from holding Trump officials in contempt for ignoring court orders, gutting their ability to ensure Trump follows the law.

Everyone needs to be sounding the alarm on these sneaky additions to the spending bill.

I am not going to let them get away with this.

2: Slashing taxes and restrictions on purchasing gun silencers, making it easier for criminals to gain access to them and ensuring our society is less safe.

3: Barring states from regulating AI, carrying implications like helping real estate companies and landlords hike up rents across the country.

Trump’s big, ugly budget bill has 4 dangerous provisions that they've snuck in:

1: Defunding Planned Parenthood, which will gut health care nationally and create a backdoor national abortion ban—even in states where abortion is protected.

Every @midnightpals.bsky.social thread is improved 100% with the utterance of "sup fuckers?"