Flew too close to the sun (the box of various animal bones that I found in the woods is starting to make my car stink)

today I built a fence while free bleeding

you drink to black out I drink to buy fire drip torch without second thot

two men in suits and top hats are standing in front of a brick wall ALT: two men in suits and top hats are standing in front of a brick wall

Awwww you hate your HOA? They’re being unfair? That sucks

You’re in their DMs, I’m checking them for ticks after they’ve been in the woods

tween boys fishing at local pond and blasting “get low” by lil Jon. nature is healing

Modest mouse implies the existence of audacious mouse

flew too close to the sun*

* bag of deer bones I brought home has ants and now they’re in my kitchen :/

If she’s your girl then why are our periods synced up?

So called “first world country” yet I cannot buy just one single onion at the store hmmmmm

just learned about “geographic tongue” do not text

got what appears to be a chemical burn from tzatziki on my face…. Ok

thought this white girl ag my work was Russian and today I asked her. She said she’s Brazilian????

my fave LCD soundsystem song is in a st*rlink commercial omfg kill meeee

His wife is pregnant and the name ideas are fisher and piper …..

coworker brought in his son Gunnar. sir that is a dogs name

saw a green fireball in the night sky !

pry the word bruh from my cold dead cracked bone dry hands

playing a game of tom & jerry with the mouse in my house and my dog doesn’t understand what’s at stake here. I need to borrow a cat

when construction trucks have signs on the back that say "do not follow into work area" I'm like, well I wasn't planning on that but now you have my attention

Mosquito in my home. Why and more importantly how

2026 I’m speaking in letterkenny dialect

being forced to swallow the MagSafe pill by big phone case

my mom goes to the local Culver’s so often they gave her a “vip” 10% lifetime discount ?????

taking the preserved orange slice off of my drink and putting it in my purse like the raccoon god made me

the layout of my hometown grocery store is none of my business

fuck my chopped unc life

just scheduled my dog’s dental surgery for right after Christmas… that’s what you get for being naughty

Sorry boss, my costar said no multitasking today

Picking up dog poop in the fall: gross, get 10+ leaves with ever handful, how is everything so damp

Picking up dog poop in the winter: magic, it’s basically frozen on contact, reminds me of the popsicles in zootopia