Please stop making fun of my buddy and co-conspirator Elon. Every American has the same right that he has… to spend billions buying an election so he can make even more billions on top of that, all the while honoring his heritage with a traditional German salute (from circa 1938-1945).

I’m just gonna say this is BULLSHIT. Pardoning family members is MY thing.

Okay. Here’s the deal: I get to appoint all my buds to important gov’t jobs, while lowering their taxes, and mine (but not yours)… and you’ll get a decrease in the price of eggs.

Wait. What? I deported all the egg workers so the price went up?

Okay. Well real Americans don’t eat eggs anyway.