i'd say my dog is smarter than about 15% of billionaires. i know it'd probably be funnier if i said all of them, or 50% of them, or something like that, but i think 15% is realistically closer
Hey everybody! I am taking the helm of this classic American institution with @theonion.com and want to know what you fine folks would like to see from us.
Some timeline stuff:
— We expect to get InfoWars.com after the judge clears it in a couple of weeks.
— We'll build a world of characters on the site and across social media. Tim Heidecker is in charge, and we have grand designs.
— Visit theonion.info, buy a subscription, help us dominate the world.
my greatest work
@acollierastro.bsky.social
have you seen this section about physics on the Flat Earth Society's wiki?? seems up your alley
wiki.tfes.org/General_Phys...
it's almost beautiful how they assert that the earth and the entire universe are accelerating upwards at g instead of just believing in gravity
me and the boys on the USS Abraham Lincoln eating boiled boot leather and sharing stories about the most Realistic Pussy we've ever seen
don't let your dreamers grow up to be dead men; drown us at birth, save her some time
why would i fear death? my ideal weight is zero, ideal rent is zero, and the best part of my day is when i am unconscious
got his ass
Wiseau and Breen stand at the foot of the mountain. They are Nietzschean "last men". They gaze upon the overman like RXK Nephew with envy and disgust. Neph achieves divinity precisely because he does not - nor can he - notice his divine spark.
Tommy Wiseau and Neil Breen saw their divine spark and tried to harness it; their work suffered immensely. The truly divine refrain from thaumaturgy. They hold the divine spark within them but do not embrace it; they forge their own path of blissful unrecognition as they ascend the staircase
whenever people announce they're taking a break from bluesky, it's usually because they're astronauts experiencing a mandatory communications blackout as they re-enter earth's atmosphere. that's why they always come back in six minutes
i don't understand why they landed integrity in the middle of the ocean. if i were them i would just land it at my house
the opps are zoophiles but i'm the one dog they can't top (cooperating with ryan :))
twitch.tv/clairesv
*youth pastor voice* you know who else was rizzin'?
what ever happened to obama. why did he just stop running for president
@jonbois.bsky.social they’re forgetting how to count again
they should make a buddhist roguelite where the end is escaping samsara
the opp is a zoophile but i'm the one dog he can't top
sitting in traffic when a smart beautiful woman, w/an amazing personality, walks close by—about 5ft away. i lock my car doors out of respect
Archaeological Dig Uncovers Ancient Race Of Skeleton People
Archaeological Dig Uncovers Ancient Race Of Skeleton People theonion.com/archaeological-dig-uncov...
Rationale Usually the chips served are not flavored, or flavored only mildly, and the dip serves as a condiment. Serving them separately allows for simultaneous consumption, while also allowing for the eater to control the amount of dip according to their preference. When made from purchased processed foods, the dish is an easy finger food, as each item requires almost no further preparation. Not to mention, there is a large amount of combinatorial possibility inherent to the choice of dip being paired to the chip chosen.
i think it's smart that the Wikipedia page for Chips and Dip opens with a "Rationale" section. a lot of people are flabbergasted to find out about this concept and need some grounding before they get into the history
guy commissioning a bust of himself: how will you determine the shipping charges
me: weigh a head of you
you know what the worst part about socialism is? eventually, you run out of other people's PISS to drink!!!
got my JLPT certificates in the mail! quite wild to me that my percentile rank basically means only ~28% of examinees passed 😱
many such cases!
