Habanero ghost jack cheese

No. Narrow miss

Chicago Cubs 1st baseman Michael Busch caught in the netting with his legs up and spread after just missing a catch in the stands

Watching baseball @jonbois.bsky.social

BrookeBaybee has to think about her entire life before she shitposts

Every episode of Storage Wars: "I'm thinking I made a bad choice with this locker. It's just a bunch of piss jars! Oh? Wait a minute, wait a minute. I found 200 grams of Platinum!"

Millenial Forrest Gump and he does a streamathon when Jenny leaves

Millennial Forrest Gump and he meets Charlie Kirk before his neck gets blown out

Millennial Forrest Gump and Jenny is trans

Millennial Forrest Gump and his Lieutenant Dan gets his legs blown off by an IED in Iraq

Millennial Forrest Gump and he makes his fortune off of crypto

Gator calls for ade

Fiancée: (On me hobbling around on my arthritic knee) You're moving around like a combat veteran. Like a World War II hero

Me: Yeah, I was at the Battle of the Girl Bulge

Fiancée: (On me hobbling around on my arthritic knee) You're moving around like a combat veteran. Like a World War II hero

Me: Yeah, I was at the Battle of the Girl Bulge

Paper winning because it "covers" rock makes it comparable to a chastity cage

You have been sentenced to hang by the neck until orgasm

If your onions ain't sweatin', your meal's worth forgettin'

Hard times create strong men. Strong men lift big rocks. Big rocks are cool, but not as cool as that little rock you found on the ground that one time. Make of that as you will

What is the sound of one cheek clapping?

This butterfly needs to stop dreaming that it's me. Go back to flapping around and pollinating shit little bro

Sorry babe, I think we need to reschedule date night. I'm being cancelled for saying that Papa Smurf is more fuckable than Smurfette

Hard times create strong men. Strong men lift big rocks. Big rocks are cool, but not as cool as that little rock you found on the ground that one time. Make of that as you will

Remember kids, if someone asks you to do a war, just say no!

I could've had the war wrapped up instantly by not doing it

Yeah, I'm bisexual. I'm attracted to women and nerdy British men that make banging electronic music

*Ordering at Steak and Shake* Yeah, can I get uhhhhhhhh a steak and uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh how about a shake?

There's no such thing as a run-on sentence; only cowards too scared of prose longer than noun-verb-noun-period

You are over there being an April Fool, whilst I am over here being an April Sage

I'd pick a scenic spot and set up camp to cook food for any trainers/mons that pass by. Gotta have a fire type to keep everything lit, a fighting type to cut firewood or deal with pesky boulders, a water type, and then a few solid foragers

There are decades where nothing happens and there are weeks where Centuries of Humiliation happen

For sale: breakaway pants. Never broken away.