Chris Wright shows up to press calls dressed in bear suit and can't adjust microphone due to paws.

Green energy transition happens in record two months and GOP rebrands as Party of the Polar Bear.

Saudis bankrupt

I storm outraged into HQ. "They're asking me to convert from NATO to Soviet now!"

"I'll get that back to you by EOD tomorrow," I say, irritated.

If I'm drafted I want to be the guy who they call to convert Soviet munition measurements to NATO ones.

Going to barbershop and drinking complimentary whiskey with lips around the bottle.

"No no no," former empire waves off imperialist war. Then Bibi calls and says "we'll be bombing the nationalized oil company." Now UK twisting British Petroleum Company handkerchiefs in agony.

You alternate between crunch of toast and omelette.

Barbershop alcoholic: 3x rehab, banned elsewhere, now sneaking your fix in 1oz complimentary shots under perfect excuse of "a mustache trimming."

In three months only reliable market indicator is Trump's golf stroke.

All this because Trump just wants to be able to issue fatwas.

Never look an American in the eyes.

I'm fantasizing about all the things I can do with my new toaster that's arriving tomorrow. Bread, bagels, and bathtub.

Only outcome of this war will be second pipeline that goes straight through standing rock.

Recent broth fixation is scavenger politics.

Air superiority means airlifting oil tankers with 200 Apache helicopters.

White men in dirty white sneakers.

Fetterman whistling Flight of the Valkyries as he builds oil barrel pyramid in his backyard.

Two days from now: "The US Navy will escort all oil tankers through the strait." Cut to picture of tanker teetering on deck of USS Gerald Ford.

Engineering wanted to know how we'd get the cans to elevation. "I was hoping you'd ask that," I said, and revealed my slide of the half mile long selfie stick. "The Air Force is gonna *hate* this," I gloated.

Some dweeb from marketing wanted to know which color and I shot back: "color*s*. Red white and blue, obviously."

Had my pitch with Raytheon this morning for Patriot 2nd Gen Air Defence that shoots webs of Silly String.

Let's remember oil and dollar inversely correlated.

Math fever dreams. I remember them well.

The more I think about Iran the more I see an opportunity for Elon to redeem himself to Trump: boring a tanker shaped tunnel under the Strait of Hormuz.

In a week NASCAR will announce all cars have been retrofitted with wood gas boilers.

In a month at $200 a barrel, Trump holding up a Texas-shaped solar panel and grinning.

I'm still supporting a family on door-to-door bakelite.

I worked at a DOD hardware shop. An executive at Raytheon is right calling Jake, the engineer they fired two weeks ago, to see if he knows where the shared drive titled "Gulf War" is.