As America freezes I really hope we can melt I.C.E.

How can America have a national ad campaign about needing a candy bar because your not yourself when you’re hungry but also think all homeless people are on drugs or crazy? Maybe start handing out some fucking snickers and we can find out.

“Jesus, died for our sins” sounds like an after the fact justification Donald Trump would come up with after shooting him dead in broad daylight in the middle of Times Square. Half the country would start wearing Glock 19 necklaces

How is it that we have machines in “discount” grocery stores, where you can turn in your cell phone for instant cash, and we are not burning this mother fucker down? #globalizeintifada #zohran #dontgivein

Game show idea: We take 10 billionaires and put them on an island with enough resources for 20 people. Then we see which billionaire murders the others to keep all the resources for themselves. We’ll call it #theultimatebillionaire

@rejectedjokes.bsky.social

Episode 174: These Dudes Spittin

Hey @benschwartz.bsky.social my best friend and I are doing our final season of our podcast “The Friendship Podcast. Can we fit you in as a guest some time this year?

open.spotify.com/show/0EiCiIq...

Just a reminder that as an adult you can do whatever you want as long as you’re not harming another person. You just have to be ok with the consequences of your choices.

90% of the time you don’t even have to get out of bed (not recommended)

So relax your shoulders