I mean he was friends with Saville and Andy is his brother so he's probably pretty comfortable around nonces

Dont worry, I'm retrialling the filton 24 but we remembered to get an injunction this time to stop people reporting on it

How am I supposed to suck my own dick if you insist on me having a spine? I'm keeping the war out of British headlines isn't that enough for you?

had it removed so i could suck my own willy a few years ago

but if i send a few marines to their deaths he might tweet something nice about me for once :(

only if youre willing to play twister with me and wes. rachel keeps saying no when we ask.

I haven't cheated on her in ages don't spread slander about me!

Had my fingers crossed behind my back btw don't tell Rachel

That's not true, I'm also the lookout.

I'm also arresting the pensioners after I freeze them

Doing a cracking job of facing them down at beer pong at Wes'.

And my mother was a nurse! Don't forget my mother was a nurse!

No I'm not they said I was on the waitlist :(

This is appalling to hear, and makes me wonder if that's why he never wore our BFF necklaces. I've been walking around wearing an F necklace for nothing

Don't worry lads, I said I'd be tough on crime so I'll tell the gents at Wandsworth to hold Mandy for 24 hours without access to custard creams. He'll still have his phone and be allowed to roam but the custard creams will really hammer home how cross I am with him. And his bail will be £8

No one realises how hard saying these speeches are. Thankfully Wes always has a warm bottle of milk prepared for me after I've finished.

rachel locked me in the cloakroom and wont let me out