I would have a bionic spine and for the sake of the game it would be super strong but honestly I’d accept it just working properly

Hanging on uncle Albert’s every word because he’s a VETERAN and therefore a HERO

Oh no I imagined an American remake of fools n’orses and now I’m cross

They are /such/ fucking losers I swear to god

“Serving the discerning pudendum since 1827” is one of the best sentences I’ve ever read

I’m very glad to hear it

A little loaf of white bread in a plastic bag

The lab at work have done a test bake and so now I’ve got this adorable loaf to take home with me

Accidentlly left my podcast speed on x2 (which I do for American ones) when listing to a podcast by two fellas from Cork.

Felt like i was listening to a panic attack

why

You need someone on the opposite side of the road shouting one or the other in response, that’s good Akiring.

oh no the americans are at it again

Comic of the beetle from the cover of Massive Attack's "Mezzanine" meeting the crab from the cover of The Prodigy's "Fat of the Land".

Hi this joke is for me

I'll be honest with you, people don't like Keir on the door but it's not over this Mandelson thing. They don't like him personally

Great news boss, this Mandelson stuff isn’t cutting through on the doorstep because they already think you’re a cunt

As a bonus, here I am a year earlier

British people end sex by slapping their thighs, sighing, and saying "right"

Before the catastrophic waistline disaster and the start of my hairline’s slow but relentless retreat

Post you in another country

I would argue but it would just prove your point

Much like how my teeth, after cleaning were “clean and sprinkling” and the tines of a fork were called “pokes”.

When I was very little I couldn’t say snap crackle and pop so they were called snip, popple and bang in our house.

The best one was the Rice Krispies advert set in the distant future of 2015 where snap crackle and pop were superheroes and the baddy was going to deafen the whole city by putting too much milk through the Rice Krispies factory.

I feel like this one appearing today, bearing in mind my earlier post about my pillow, is a personal attack on me.

Well done mate proud of you

I really enjoyed “I bet you can’t speak English” followed closely by “I am a voters”

I feel great kinship with this here hedg-og.

LIKE THE ENDLESS BLACKNESS OF SPACE
THAT LEADS TO THE CHASM OF CLAMS

I’ve got loads of funny options for this but bluesky won’t open them :-(

A very basic electronic calculator made by Sharp

Yeah! The only way I could get it to go back to normal was by resetting it, which involved starving it of light!

Do calculators ever go wrong? I use one in my office and today it keeps giving me odd answers. At one point it was just rounding to the nearest whole number which isn’t even a function it possesses. Is this a thing or is my brain just malfunctioning?

I’d have liked the foam to be firmer, but it’s still progress.