Bruce Springsteen said everybody’s got a hungry heart

For my 33rd birthday I want world peace and I want to fuck on the npr tiny desk

They’re putting my roommate down today for tearing up all the furniture

Things are teeing-up great for me, a guy who is developing the Walton Goggins hairline.

They call baseball the beautiful game because the sight of three beers and four hot dogs universally tugs on heart strings

Vaping in the car at school pickup listening to third eye blind

I’m in my 30’s and I’m going to do something drastic

What’s up bluesky nation

It’s so cool here. Nothing you say here matters. They can’t prosecute you.

I am God’s favorite moron

I’m not just a goofy dad, I’m also a barrel chested freak with a heart of gold.

On one hand my life is falling apart and on the other everyone at work said I look really buff so I’m doing great 👍🏻

Eat up you little freaks. I love you all so much.

Greasy guys are like the marines

Gross boys want your location

I knew it

I have to support all the troops? Not just the gay and stupid ones?

I hate everything except for all the stuff I love

What’s up

Got five invite codes on here that are looking like Weimar bucks right about now

I refuse to poop on my own time. I just drove to work and clocked in

Animal House is about how college is full of joy and laughter

What’s up pals who’s fuckin who on here

Freaking out the college kids by being intense and vaguely tragic

Just had the worst summer of my life, which if you know my lore is pretty bad. I’m going to roll into my freshman level science labs next week, a thirty year old man foaming at the mouth, with the most insanely intense energy possible.

Welcome to the gay army, recruit. Now drop and give me 20 gay push-ups.

In shambles is one of the ways people always tell you not to be as if I got a dang choice

Waking up sweaty, dehydrated, confused in Jasper’s bed at 1:00am after the “Lisa wake me up” protocol fails to enact at toddler bedtime

Fantastic stuff

What are you guys up to tonight. Yeah, same.