In order to be kintsugi I’d need to have been made whole again, even if that whole was imperfectly joined.

What do you do when pieces are missing, possibly forever?

All I want out of life is to get back things I’ve already had and lost.

Seeing a moment in a movie where the protagonist tells a woman she’s mysterious and I guess I will never attract any interest whatever that way as I am not even slightly mysterious.

Someone sent a “kms” threat to the local listserv a few days ago and i hope the traffic that ensued kept them alive but i immediately figured out how to mute because after losing my partner to suicide, I sure do not need to be anywhere near it again any time soon.

The bit where I’d just live in Boston and be happy if I could afford it, hurts every time.

One of my friends this morning before I left for therapy: "You seem much better now that you have a plan.!" So, having a plan for not living alone helped... if only I had pointed this out any time in the last 4 months...

Fun old tweet to have found, from mid 2018…

Walking through your history, through the past lives, the long-ago dates, the places you just went about your day to day life after starting over only to lose most of it again, is rough.

At one point my bio said “nobody’s dream girl” and I think with the benefit of hindsight that was not true.

Random guy coming up and suggesting “however you identify”, that I should watch The World According to Garp because it’s a good movie, strong “hey sis you’re clocky as fuck, wanna be friends?” energy

I once said that protesting often felt like banging your head against a concrete wall and expecting it to move.

I need the wall to move.

Knowing that happiness can be had, and lost, the memories of what was lost, makes happiness feel all the more risky.

💖

Occasionally I am reminded I am bisexual.

Like when the right poet is reading.

A teardrop slowly runs down one cheek. The air is just a wee bit chilly but the sensation on my skin is first one of ripping, then that of a searing, burning pain of cold. I want to go numb to it but I can’t not feel. The nerves can’t be muted.