add me on Killswitch

12 years ago I planted a bean sprout on Wacker Street next to an abandoned mailbox. Today I returned for the first time to find not just a pod sprouting—but an envelope addressed to it. I smiled and sighed. The world is healing

in 2032 i am brainjailed for killmogging president bieber

my brother’s rat

my brother’s rat

No other tech company could rival Unreal’s ability to generate the awesome sheen of the Gala Emerald.

It caught the eye of Bush himself and he became a major benefactor!... under the condition that Unreal had to create a 3D model of his bare ass capably swallowing the gem.

The rest is history.

it's so cool how its called the Unreal Engine yet it actually looks quite real… did you know that thats thanks to George Bush? (sorta)

In 1996 Bush bought a Gala Emerald for $2.9 billion and it became the envy of all.

Two months later and start-up Unreal made the first 3D model of the emerald.

they put brian peppers in skylanders

proof i'm not lying

i did NOT have family circus canon incest on my 2026 bingo card 😂

I kiss Ethan Hawk gently on the beak… is this okay? I ask reaching for his cloaca

used to have a parrot that would imitate my mom’s voice perfectly and he would trick me into thinking dinner was ready by cooking a hot meal and calling me down for supper

Kid Icarus is based on a real kid named Icarus Romano whose dad built him a car and he drove it faster and faster until the engine melted and caused a freeway explosion

john handcock docusign controversy

i hope i get drafted because it would be like star wars

my Eagle Scout project was a guillotine for homeless people made out of recycled car fenders. looking back I have a lot of regrets but I was brainwashed and thought i was doing the right thing at the time

my extremely rare Mikey Day trading card just sold for 9 cents

my beautiful twin daughters Jasmine and Basmati are fighting in the bath pot and are splashing boiling water everywhere

timebomb asparagus that makes your pee smell bad three weeks later

the day the gif stood still

He died doing what he loved: having cancer

it’s time to retire awesome chuck norris jokes and start telling beautiful chuck norris poems instead

sold to a private parts equity firm

morning star supremacy

in Simpsons season 43 we will see principal skinner reveal he is Bart’s real father and it will allow for future episodes where bart can now be paired with homer as an appropriate romantic interest

my app lets me know if anyone in the area is wearing meta glasses or has a full diaper

paging the egg secretary 😄

my lawyer was wrong about nephew-uncle confidentiality laws in california

remake adam sandler’s Click but instead of a remote he gets a magic gun from walmart and has to shoot people to rewind/pause time

every young person should try out the humble ant