the fact that i’m irritated on last minute things could be a lil ‘tism quirk.

it’s super annoying. im trying to be understanding because things happen but my brain is like NOPE.

he may not be able to meet my IRL friend, sleepover will still happen.

but ya know. least on thursday he’ll rest well 💖 and my apartment is clean enough for him lol

a lot of initial plans that were planned a MONTH in advance are being cancelled / moved over.
it isnt anything in anyones control, but it’s super irritating that this happened.
sleepover got moved to the next week
and my irl friend left the country for a week

i wanna draw again. im trying. im just hurting now from drawing …..

i should lay down.

i’m not prepared for this. i’m worried. im sad. am i really looking forward for this? he’s staying for two weeks. idk man. im not prepared ……

and my bf getting mad last match? yup. im out. you two have fun. you dont get upset when you play with others. and i was already giving up on these matches.
i have purposely “missed” clicking the button on hooks, or i’ll purposely “unhook” so i can get damage on myself.

i should have not reminded anyone.

i have asked about it yesterday
everyone was like okay
today everyone suddenly forgot and thought it wasn’t gonna happen

meh
i’m done
i dont hate the game. im not enjoying who i play with. same story with fortnite

ah. i wanna play that game more but i just felt out of place with that stupid ass collab.

everyone was chatting and playing with each other. i felt uninvolved.
so /:

idk.

i wanna be alone …..

🥺 i want hunnnny …..

this never happened to me before. but holy shit i love this man a lot. >w>

these past few days, he’s been extremely flirty with me.

i’ll …. touch myself, come, i feel great
then we get super flirty
whoops im horny again
and again
and again
and it keeps repeating.

i already had someone on fb ghost me RIGHT when i sent payment confirmation lmao

i also have a friend who wanted two adopts, one finished in feb and the other a dew weeks ago, still no payment. shes got other stuff going on but at this point i just have all unsold cows in the back burner

i understand bills need to be paid. but buying a comm and within three days, suddenly you have bills

ive been lied to in this a lot. i get promised payment only for people to avoid it. you see there’s a reason why i hate doing comm services on facebook.

had someone interested in a comm, two days later i completely forgot about it and followed up asking if they were still interested

and i get a “i got hit with bills so i cant get the comm”

bullet DODGED because people always say theyre interested and avoid payment.

feels like i have nobody sometimes. my boyfriend, maybe. i think that’s all i have.

otherwise
what else do i have.

think after this movie i’ll just dip. im tired

just have my mic muted at this point. they dont notice nor care lmao

in this double date where it just feels like nobodys paying attention nor speaking, really. just feels like my bf and i talking

and ive mentioned before. but those three have fun together. i come in and its boring as fuck.

my anxiety is getting worse

i sympathize especially since ive been in that position MULTIPLE times.

so being on the other end …. i feel like total crap over it. i should just stop offering “community days”.

last night collab was chaotic but it kinda went south. someone got depressed and quiet because of it and it feels like its my fault ……

they didnt really say they would join, but they did, and then got depressed over it.

well more than half ppl didnt show up

also i feel VERY tired and nauseated so…..

anyway secretly kinda wanting a reason for repo to not happen tbh lmao

im half expecting people to not show up. they did not show up the last time

“nicknames for Tony”

“here are all the nicknames for Anthony”

no, that’s actually not his name.

i told him i. DM’s, idk if we wtill hanging out but i’ll be with OTHER friends because im nice and i tell ppl of any changes, plus a friend is going thru a breakup soooo

fourth monday in a row man

least he could tell me he wanted to be with his friends. i wouldnt really care. but fourth monday? jeez. next time i’ll just tell him any other day BUT a monday

i need to be whacked because i get so fuckin blinded like

i keep telling myself that mondays assume bf isnt available
ans what do i do?
tell him on friday that we can hang out on monday
and today he was with his friends

update i just told the gc i didnt feel good (that was a lie)

i just didnt wanna hang out with these ppl

my last art did horribly. no one really liked it…..

nobody really likes it when i draw my partner in general, bjt this one did super bad. it was a bad draw. just thought people would like the shirt lift.

i shouldnt have bugged ppl to hang out tonight

i said i wouldnt
i wad convinced
and now i regret it

a man who lives across the country has time and effort to come see me. he genuinely cares and loves me

a man i cared for who lived less than half an hour from me just never bothered. he blocked me but, good riddance.

if it wasnt for my boyfriend, i would have still been flirting and chasing someone who genuinely didn’t care about me unless their dick is hard.

he promised to see me but doesnt, ever. always has me on the back burner leaving my emotions confused.