… and they’ve sent me 2 more messages in the 8 minutes since I posted this

I’m pretty sure that Duke MyChart is my most-visited website at this point. I must be logging in at least five times a day for one reason or another. Trying to deal with my eye right now is absolutely exhausting.

“Remember, this case is unsolved & this family is really hurting and looking for answers, & I JUST HAD A BAJA BLAST & I am soooo ready to go! Hahahaha! Can you close the door? I mean, I thought I closed it already but I guess I’m too BAJA BUZZED! Ok. Here’s a terrible story you’ll never forget.” 🙄🙄🙄

Apparently it’s asking too much to find true crime podcasts that don’t begin with 5 minutes of the hosts giggling & laughing about how funny they are before launching into the details of an absolute tragedy.

I have a new growth in my eye socket. The dr just removed one on 12/26 & this one had not started growing at that point. There’s also another strange thing that I can’t identify & my surgeon is away on a mission trip until mid-Feb. I want to scream until my lungs are numb.

I am struggling today. Partly because almost missed most of my teletherapy appointment this morning (my fault), partly because I ran some errands that should have been easy but were really difficult, and partly because I’m just frustrated & sad & upset. But I’m really struggling.

I appreciate BlueSky’s intentions, and I would much rather be posting here, but Twitter (I refuse to call it X) is still the best place to follow live gymnastics meets, and that makes me sad.

Also, “tell me you live on the Outer Banks without telling me you live on the Outer Banks”: There are people sledding up on the dunes with boogie boards and surfboards 😂

Couldn’t find the bowls that I set out last night to make snow cream, & figured a neighbor “helpfully” picked them up. Discovered a few minutes later that my bowls were buried under 2 inches of snow. 😳 (deck is weirdly bare, but there are 5–6 inches outside my front door)

And now, back off my phone screen for a while, taking my pain meds, and putting on an ice mask while I lie down. This is not what I want my life to be.

Cognitively, I know all of this already, but when I spell it out like that, the enormity of it all hits me and it’s so surreal and emotionally painful, and almost surprises me when I speak or think about it in those terms. This is so hard.

There was kind of an awkward pause, then the woman in line behind me said, “I know I’m a total stranger, but can I give you a hug?” We hugged, and it was all I could do to keep from tearing up.

I told her I had to have my eye removed when I was 16, and that it had to be re-removed in September, and I’ve been dealing with complications and pain ever since. She looked stunned, even though she knew from school that I have a prosthetic eye.

I went to Staples to make some Amazon returns today & the cashier was a former student. She asked about my eyepatch & I said I’d had a couple of recent surgeries. She asked what kind. I never get specific unless people ask specific questions, so I gave her a nutshell version.

Between me and my dad, we have 5 streaming services and I still can’t watch the UCLA meet tonight 😒

I fully admit that this is pity party weekend & I can go back to being proactive & looking for help on Tuesday, but right now I’m pretty physically and emotionally crushed over school & my eye & I’m telling myself that I should be able to have a few days to grieve & not “look on the bright side!!”

Back on disability indefinitely, starting on Monday. The school year is breaking my heart in a thousand different ways.

Agreed! I am so impressed by her. I was expecting to (and have been in several cases!) be wowed by some of the big names coming in, but she has been a wonderful surprise I didn’t know of yet.

Mika, you are my new bars obsession

There is nothing more beautiful in the world than Brooklyn Moors’ LOSO

Why is it so hard for ESPN to plan timing for sports 😑

I kept saying the SAME THING. Shut up, John!

First day of school (… take … I forget) tomorrow. Excited to be back with students, anxious about how my eye will hold up.

Dad and I just got back to my house so at least I’m home, but I feel like screaming. Absolutely nothing this fall has gone according to plan.

I’ve had the growth removal surgery several times, & each time it’s been a matter of “you’re having surgery and need to be dormant for several days.” This time it’s more like “whatever, take a pain pill, don’t know why it’s there.”

They took about 4-5 inches of tissue from my hip to make the new implant, and the hair follicles there are continuing to grow. I am horrified by every bit of this.

Duke appointment didn’t go well yesterday. There is a new growth in my eye socket that required immediate outpatient (in-office) surgery, & the “undissolved stitches” I saw last week are actually hair. Growing hair.

Also back to Duke the day after Christmas, so hopefully some insight/pain relief there.

Eye emergency & resulting fallout is not how I expected to spend the beginning of Christmas at home. (Emergency handled at home & not ER or anything. Lots of ice. Stronger pain meds. Worries aplenty. Thought I had a strand of cat hair in my eye somehow. Wasn’t cat hair. Vein or undissolved stitch.)

On one hand, I’m beyond ready for NCAA gymnastics to start. On the other hand, I’m throwing hands if my eye still isn’t up to watching TV long enough for a meet or two by then.