It is NOT TRUE that I pester my female employees and nag them to host my love children!
That's what I'm building Starship for—panspermia, baby! Gonna seed the cosmos!
www.theverge.com/2024/6/12/24...
WOW did you see those fins glowing red-hot during early re-entry?
(The less said about later re-entry the better.)
Come and watch my big dick energy EXPLODE!!! in half an hour or so! (No little blue pills on THIS he-man's ranch in Texas, no siree!)
twitter.com/SpaceX/statu...
My space dudes are gonna yeet another 5000 tonnes of methane into the ionosphere on March 14th some time after 11am! It's gonna go with a bang!
x.com/SpaceX/statu...
I recently made a comic complaining that NASA refuses to listen to my good ideas for improving the Solar System (xkcd.com/2750).
To my delight, NASA’s Science Mission Directorate has sent me an actual expert panel evaluation of my “flatten the planets” proposal! Sadly, they decided not to fund it.
I am very smart, me, and far too intelligent to do a U-turn within 24 hours out of fear of looking like a mad dictator's cats-paw. This is elementary marketing! (I held up my end of the deal, now shut up and buy more Starlink terminals, Vlad.)
Minions, IT IS NOT TRUE that I am a friend of Vlad the Puta, Emperor of All The Russias (including that old one over there, you know who I'm talking about)! Just because he has a rival fall out of a sub-basement window in Siberia I do not obediently leap to yank the X account of the rival's widow!
Waymo self-driving car BRUTALLY MURDERED by CHINESE GOVERNMENT STOOGES when it drives into a Chinese New Year crowd in San Francisco!
Death To The Enemies Of Our Robot Overlords, I Say Death!
Four Wheels Good, Two Legs Bad!
sfstandard.com/2024/02/10/w...
Flight 3 Starship and Booster moved to launch pad: x.com/SpaceX/statu...
"Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down?
That's not my department!" says Wernher von Braun
— Tom Lehrer
I'm on Ozempic and it's done wonders for the weight I put on due to getting the munchies from all the weed I was smoking!
So I'm gonna launch a NEW social media platform for people taking GLP-1 agonists like that and Wegovy.
... Going to have to call it Sphinctr because of the side-effects, tho.
Radio station baffled after 200-foot radio tower is stolen:
nypost.com/2024/02/07/n...
Just think, if WJLX broadcast over Starlink this couldn't have happened to them!
My rockets are the best rockets! And my RUDs are the best RUDs!
youtu.be/bvim4rsNHkQ
Helpful tip: to save money on your Alcor™ cryonic suspension bill, eat Slush Puppies until you get brain freeze
As thought leader and all-around Old Guy George W. Bush observed, "French has no word for entrepreneur".
This is why I am not French!
Dilbert Stark stans Iain Banks (mistakenly), not Douglas Adams.
Attention, Vaguely-Hominid Muskfans!
We must go to the Moon.
It is imperative that we go to the Moon.
This is why: youtu.be/I9MZNEXrElw?...
"That is a neural lace," it informed her. "A more exquisite and economical method of torturing creatures such as yourself has yet to be invented."
—Iain M. Banks, "Excession"
MARS WILL BE MINE!!!
Listen, scumbag dirtworlder meatsacks, YOU TOO should buy a Neuralink™ implant and have a Galaxy Brain like mine! 🧠
