Nerd and Jock 288

my goals

Florida Passes Strict Ban On Being Unarmed

Florida Passes Strict Ban On Being Unarmed
theonion.com/florida...

lmao

4-panel comic by War and Peas Panel 1: A man sits at his desk, reading an email. He thinks, “Another short email from my boss.” Panel 2: The screen shows "K, Thx." He looks concerned, thinking, “He must not like me very much.” Panel 3: Cut to a tiny mouse in a suit struggling to press a giant keyboard key. Narration: “Little did Clarence know that his boss was a mouse…” Panel 4: The exhausted mouse wipes its brow and says, “Oof.” Narration: “…and every letter was a grueling task.”

K. Thx.

Report: It Time To Give Up

Report: It Time To Give Up
theonion.com/report-...

Experts Recommend Using Hunger As Egg Substitute

Experts Recommend Using Hunger As Egg Substitute
theonion.com/experts...

Report: Americans Waste Enough Food Each Year To Give Over 1 Billion Third World Residents Diabetes

Report: Americans Waste Enough Food Each Year To Give Over 1 Billion Third World Residents Diabetes
theonion.com/report-...

Welcome to Steam The Steam Spring Sale is on now — find great deals on thousands of games! Plus earn up to 9 stickers by going through your Discovery Queue.

As the days start to get longer, it's once again time for the Steam Spring Sale! From now until March 20th, fill up your library with a bounty of discounted games, including a new set of Featured Deep Discounts.

store.steampowered.com

"There is no law and [Israeli forces] can shoot any Palestinian at any time."

Palestinians in the occupied West Bank are anxious about the future as Israel steps up attacks against refugee camps aje.io/vaz9ft

podcasts

Man With Fogged-Up Glasses Forced To Finish Soup Using Other Senses ST. GEORGE, UT—With the water vapor causing condensation to form on the lenses and impair his vision, local man Patrick Whittle was reportedly forced Thursday by his fogged-up glasses to finish his soup using his other senses. “In my blinded state, I must rely on my other senses if I’m ever going to eat this […]

Man With Fogged-Up Glasses Forced To Finish Soup Using Other Senses
theonion.com/man-wit...

Based Hellboy.

Panel 1 Fern presents Ember with her coat. It has snowed and the boys are outside playing. Fern: Ember, you want to play in the snow with your brothers? Ember: YES! IT'S BORING IN HERE! Panel 2 Ember has made a terrible discovery. Snow is cold. This will not stand! She has had a shift in priorities. Ember: TOO COLD! I WANT INSIDE! Panel 3 Ember is cozy on the couch with a hot drink. Unfortunately, this is too cozy for someone who is destined to rule the world. She declares her displeasure. Ember: TOO BORING! I WANNA PLAY IN THE SNOW! Panel 4 Unfortunately, the snow is still cold. A fact that prevents ember from even recognizing the nice snow alligator that her brothers have built. She shouts her frustration into the cold indifferent void. Ember: WHY DOES SNOW HAVE TO BE COLD!? When she is charge she will definitely fix this.

Bored VS Cold - Gator Days

Lock Clicks Behind Marco Rubio During Tour Of Salvadoran Prison Cell TECOLUCA, EL SALVADOR—Expressing concern after he stepped inside the cold, concrete room and suddenly heard the click of a lock behind him, a panicked Secretary of State Marco Rubio was reportedly tra...

Lock Clicks Behind Marco Rubio During Tour Of Salvadoran Prison Cell

Ai generated image of "shrimp jesus"

If the government really wanted to put people smugglers out of business, they would open safe routes for refugees.

the largest cat

A man pops off the top of his head and eats cereal in his empty skull cavity. When he puts it back on, the head top says "don't forget to wash me, idiot." The rest of the man asks "how can you talk? you don't have a mouth."

Rent The Chicken is an American multinational company headquartered in Freeport, Pennsylvania that rents chickens and incubators.[1] As of May 2021, Rent The Chicken is the largest chicken rental company in the world.[2]

whoever named this company should name everything

Surgeon General Recommends Adding Cancer Warning To All Nuclear Bombs

Surgeon General Recommends Adding Cancer Warning To All Nuclear Bombs
theonion.com/surgeon-gene...

Trump Rolls Onto Capitol Steps In Bulletproof Sphere

Trump Rolls Onto Capitol Steps In Bulletproof Sphere

Clear racism at Al Fayed's Harrods, former staff tell BBC Staff of

Former employees of Al Fayed's Harrods have reported clear racism, with many black staff members at the department store being given a warning to leave the shop floor before Al Fayed toured the premises and a former HR worker told not to employ anyone who was black www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

DANGER

Man Decides Eating Lunch Without Headphones On Counts As Meditating

Man Decides Eating Lunch Without Headphones On Counts As Meditating
theonion.com/man-decides-...

Welcome to the public domain, Virginia Woolf's A ROOM OF ONE'S OWN (1929), a pivotal feminist essay by one of modernism’s most innovative writers, advocating for women's creative independence. 🖋️

Learn more. ➡️ blog.archive.org/2025/01/01/welcome-to-th...

#PublicDomain

1 dead, 7 injured in Tesla fire, explosion at Las Vegas Trump International Hotel on New Year’s Day A car fire at the Trump International Hotel in Las Vegas caused smoke and loud booms, disrupting guests and nearby residents.

1 dead, 7 injured in Tesla explosion at Trump Hotel, Las Vegas