Love how the main complaint is about how a particular freeway on-ramp is accessed. 3 blocks more driving and 2 stoplights! The horror!!!!!

Fearsome hunters yadda yadda, have you seen them keep their little paw pads warm by curling their tail underneath their feet like a fluffy carpet runner?

It's called a uniform or, if there's a certain hat involved, a signature outfit, tyvm

The firehouse is a block away, it took longer for them to wake up and suit up than it did to get here and put it out. I almost feel bad for getting them up!

Well now I'm awake!! Checked the dumpster to make sure I wouldn't interrupt a diver annnnd then I was calling 911 at 4 a.m. to report a literal dumpster fire!

!!!!! If I paid what my apt is actually worth, I'd be up a $1000 every month

Aren't you terrified to have such a merciless, bloodthirsty floof monster in your home?

I can never tell if an edible is gonna just calm me down a bit, or, as is the case right now, utterly obliterate me. I thought it'd be a nice way to mindlessly clean, but I can't stand up without swaying

For safety. If they were brightly colored or bare metallics, they'd stand out against the inky void, and then the giant space monsters which enforce the quarantine order around the Earth sector would attack.

Weird that they would fire the navy secretary who’s been overseeing a war we’ve won at least five times.

I play Find that Lizard. Hang out on that one camouflage subreddit. I've zoomed in on every inch of the pic. There's no Tipsy to be found. Sorry. Good luck finding her!

And the lead singer is named Merchant. Coincidence??????

If they cut the E line south of Southmoor Station, I'll have to find a new job

I go to sleep in socks most nights. My toes get really cold and it distracts me from falling asleep. But I don't wake up wearing socks. Hell, I rarely wake up wearing the same pajamas I went to sleep in. It's either time travel or perimenopausal hot flashes

No syrup? What did you do to deserve no maple goodness on your..pancake?

*squints* you sure 'bout that?

Starting a mid-decade redistricting war only to end up with -1 seats is the same fine strategic genius and subtle grasp of game theory that brough us the Strait of Hormuz.

I thought about going to a game this week. Not to see them play, ofc, but for the Rocky dog and fries, a funnel cake, some chocolate covered strawberries on a stick, whatever my stoned ass says "oooohh! want that!" to

I pluck those little fuckers. They curl and try to spiral up. I'm not ok with eyebrow pubes.

Chicken''Dumplins
Golf-ball sized lumps of gluey unflavored flour in a bowl of watery yellowish-white snot with shreds of chicken floating around.
I'd rather go to bed hungry

The Rockies will lose 11 in a row and we just shrug.

That edible may have been a bit too much for you. Maybe next time dial it back to 5mg?

Today is my first vacation day in almost a year.
I woke up to a work text.
Arrrggghhhh

"radicalized by the 3-tier system" is speaking to my soul

Not me. 35K would pay my rent for 2.25 years.

And what's up with the courtyard? It could be so amazing, and they just plunked down 10 rolls of sod and said good enough???

My phone number, my old phone number that still gets rewards at 2 stores, and 911

Tuna noodle casserole with crushed potato chip topping was a childhood staple for me. I can't get too mad at the Brits for their tuna & carb meal

Wash down a pickled egg with some room-temp buttermilk

If you're drinking martinis, Goose, Absolut, Chopin. Ketel One is a favorite of bartenders for 1:1:1 cocktails in particular because it hits the sweet spot of not so smooth you save it for martinis, but not as bad as the off-premise, mass market stuff usually gets