excited to undo a year’s worth of therapy this holiday season :)))

broke my shirt (big tiddy problems) and it bruised my chest (tender breast problems)

saw one on my teammate last night and I was like fuck, that’s chic as hell! a sensual soft launch!

need a hickey from someone utterly obsessed with me more than I need air to breathe

not to sound like a boomer but why do magazine covers move now and can we stop this I’m scared

My softball team lost but I’m having an incredibly hair day so I count it as a win

cleaning my apartment ahead of my mom’s visit and thinking “could be nice if it was always this clean, what a shame”

idk what drug they put in doing this but it feels sooooooooo good 🥲🥰

sometimes I’m the only woman in my comedy class and when that happens I use “oh because I’m a woman!?” as a punchline no less than 15 times

you ever seen a baby snap to attention when they hear the cocomelon jingle? same goes for any gay with rupaul

drag race is cocomelon for gays

What’s the profile name? Link?

more than most years my presence is the present to my family and friends in Chicago cause that plane ticket was expensive!!!!!!!!

so broke this year that everyone is getting a Big Hug for the holidays

I can’t believe this is how I find out she was a fellow Italian too :(

not stupid at all, you’re grieving 🫶♥️ and Joey calamari was a special girl!

getting so fucked up off these bad boys happy thirsty Thursday gang!

feel like I’m having a stroke reading this (newsletter from a health restaurant in LA)

yes I was raised catholic, yes I want to be spanked by a nun and/or priest, no those two things aren’t related!

i wish the popular with friends feed wasn’t down, what am I supposed to do? form my own opinions about what I like??

perfect example 😌😌

I have to work a Saturday this month for an event boss is throwing and im lowkey scared some of the wealthiest people in LA will be in that room and I’ve seen enough satire of rich people to know what they’re capable, plus my firsthand experience with boss who calls friends below their income povers

I kinda feel like I can safely talk about my job here without anyone from that reality finding it but being a person assistant to a wealthy wealthy senior citizen is absolutely bat shit nuts every week crazier than the last

Bro u got a dump truck respectfully 🫡🙏🏻

went to the gym, Costco gas, bank and off to the car wash I am so good at faking being an adult!! and I hate it!!!!

even in an increasingly digital economy you need to have a tiny bit of cash on you! I’m pretty sure I’m this way because of my dad, who always has cash.