Ha! I read that as trumpbribery.com and actually thought that’s less surprising than an idiot building a library.

Saying the word “question” before they ask you a question.

Nice of Harry McGuire to award that pen and red card there. Also nice the ref didn’t book him for doing his job for him.

Love it. Only move it nearer the water, add the goal and stick the hairy melt who fixed himself to the goalpost in that Newcastle game on the other side.

Sitting against the goalpost, looking out over the Mersey. Best goalie in the world. Unbelievable keeper in his prime. Defo gets my vote.

Never take political advice from a billionaire who lives in Monaco to avoid paying taxes in the country they claim is broken. Especially one who looks like they slept in a skip last night.

They won. When will they get over it?

Dave Cornmell Stuff I write and illustrate.

I’ve been writing children’s stories, and bringing them to life as animatics. You can see them here youtube.com/@davecornmel...

1. Pickle Jar
2. Toilet seat
3. Stairs
4. Zipper on pants
5. Remembering to breathe
6. Wiping arse
7. Not eating soap
8. Orange make up

Won all 8 biggly apparently.

Joan of Arc? Hope you’re not planning a barbecue.

Sending increasingly harsh and terminal forms of cancer to the bellend who gouged the passenger side of my car while it was parked in the supermarket last night, then drove off without leaving your details. May the shadows on your lung and brain scans grow wider and darker.

First time watching Kill Bill. Jesus it’s slow. And dull. And self indulgent.

Tick-Tog™️.

I’m looking for £100 k for 10% of the company… and a viable business plan / actual idea.

Well, I wasn’t expecting that when we went a man down. Brilliant performance though and great goal by Dewsbury Hall. Up the fucking toffees! #efc #everton

I think the John Lewis dad has bodies buried under the patio.

Of course, statistically, one of these Northern Lights photos will just be someone’s house on fire.

🔥

Definitely.

Thought the same about Kelsey Grammar and Tom Hanks too.

Can’t wait for the day when we don’t have to hear his stupid name, see his saggy face or hear his whining, camp voice every single fucking day.

Are all the flags on lampposts meant to be flying at half mast, or is that as high as the mentally stunted pigmies who put them there can reach?

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 🇬🇧

The next Terminator movie will be set 10 years in the future and Skynet will be Alexa, or Gemini, or Apple Intelligence or something, and simply tell humans to drink bleach.

#AIwillkillusall

Great! They already slow my supermarket shopping by dawdling down the aisles - now I’ve got to put up with being lashed by their massive AI tails! Thanks technology. Thanks a bunch.

He looks alright. Doesn’t use his right foot much for a right winger though.

That disallowed Palace goal yesterday. They’re just making it up as they go along now aren’t they? VAR and Sky making footy like F1. So dull.

More and more the Saudi league feels like a money laundering scheme for the Sky Six. Some of the prices paid for the shite they no longer want is eye watering.

£46 million for the Uruguayan Beto?

Wow.

Still can’t believe the 5 balls each bowler bowls in #TheHundred isn’t called an “under” (as it’s one ball short than an “over”).

And yes, I have nothing better to do with my time.

One of the saddest things about Chris Sievey’s death is we never got to see Frank Sidebottom on Celebrity SOS: Who Dares Wins.

You know it is.

It really is.

Someone should make a film of it. 👀

For a team who allegedly couldn’t afford fruit in the training ground and sacked a load of staff recently, United are splashing the cash a bit this transfer window.

Surprisingly calm considering the only senior striker we have at the moment is Beto. #efc

My only gripe with #squidgames3 was that the guests watching the games weren’t executed for crimes against acting.