I want Solange Knowles to be el presidente

The 9 empty cans of cold stream grape sodas staring back at me like 🤠

My heart is beating so fucking fast

I would fully be sent to Guantanamo Bay if the I went to the states and they looked through my phone

Too good to go my own brain for $4.99

I’m actually going to fight my garbage man today

Time to take out my nightly loan on roller coaster tycoon to build the most insane coaster known to man while my man literally snores within inches of his life on the couch

The next white lotus should happen at the hotel on pownal

The guy who filed for bankruptcy in 1991?

You see me out in public and I’m dressed like the bottle of less stress olly gummies

I can’t stress enough how badly I need to see the sun

There’s a man from oyster bed who is single handedly trying to fund a trip to Mexico for me with VLT tickets, and guess what, god love em

Take one bite of my gua sha every day

“Hi, how are you?”
“Rum and coke”

Tomorrow is going to be crazy (I’m going to Canadian tire)

Project pan my freezer

Im at the point in the winter where I start googling “tanning beds near me” and then never go

No artificial flavours in the pizza goldfish??

I know if I ate just one Mr clean magic eraser my anxiety would go away

Hotdogs at my wedding, no other food

I would do anything to experience this again

My own version of the special k diet where I eat as much cereal as I possibly can at age 32

Do you remember that chicken curry wrap from downtown deli

I can’t believe at 32 years old I’m about to google if North America and south America connect

I want to see Donald trump draw a clock from memory

Everyone still thinks I’m asleep but I’m locked in the bedroom playing frogger 2 swampys revenge on my old computer

Walmar

“Every minute of my life lived right now is one step closer to me on the beach for 80 days straight” is what I keep telling myself rob lowe style in the mirror

My screen time is 48 hours a day

What a delight it is to be alive the same time as the hotdog