"You can do this!"

me: Still seems a bit excessive though, right?

2024 has peak
canary in the coal mine vibes.

Trending? No. This is The Shitposting Dept. The Trending Dept. is on floor 5, past the vending machine.

Sorry I got your dad’s jizz on your sheets when I sat on your bed.

If your therapist asks if you’ve ever had thoughts of murdering a string of random strangers, is that a good sign? I think it’s a good sign.

Where's my Oscar for pretending to be okay?

Live, Laugh, Misdemeanor, Felony

Live, Laugh, Larvae, Pupa, Adult

live, laugh, move to a different city

You'll be the big spoon and I'll be the weird awkward Ladel that someone left on the stove too long so it's partially melted

Dabbing wine cooler behind my ears before I log in here

No one else seems to be enjoying this ego trip.

The Mysterious Things I’ve Found In My Butthole And Other Tales Of Adventure

Asked a Magic 8 ball if everything was going to be okay and it collapsed in on itself like a dying star

When I was a kid, I never would have thought fun for me as an adult would be doing nothing.

Please do not ask for my advice if you're a crier.

Wedding planning is organized crime.

You can lunge-walk whenever and wherever you want to. No one's policing this.

Definitely isolated

I really prefer Fahrenheit to Celsius because it’s more dramatic and truly reflects the horror of weather related temperature swings.

Non fat milk is water with white food coloring. This is the first line in my manifesto.

🎵AND I’M HERE, 
TO REMIND YOU, 
OF THE MESS YOU LEFT WHEN YOU WENT AWAY🎵

And now I present to you - texts from the ex.
This is normal right?

Horny for god’s highly conditional love.

is butterscotch an old man flavor

Can't. Spiraling.