I have trust issues with anyone who makes anemic-looking matcha lattes.

forever grateful I didn't inherit the Cilantro/Coriander Tastes Like Soap Gene 🙏💖

Laundry is a scam

My neurodivergent ass when...

Getting my first tattoo on a really high-pain area: "ouch, oof, that kinda hurts a little bit, but it's okay bc I can just breathe through the pain 😊🥰"

Maintaining direct eye contact with someone: "THIS IS LITERALLY THE MOST PAINFUL THING EVER IN MY WHOLE LIFE."

I'm about to drop kick the entire American job market(ノ｀Д´)ノ彡┻━┻

logo for the Equitable Disposition Alliance

Our Good Death Fellow is launching their online database to assist families navigating indigent disposition programs. Each year thousands of people aren't able to achieve disposition via the private funeral industry, whether due to financial reasons, frayed family relations, or no known next-of-kin

The metal remix of the Chocobo song from "Final Fantasy VII Rebirth" is the song that should be played in all Hot Topic stores

Was I possessed by the ghost of an old Québécoise for 4 seconds on my commute this morning? Perhaps. Did I shout "tabarnak, esti calisse de marde" at someone who shoulder checked me on the curb? Abso fucking lument!

I bit into a crunchy banana and I am Not Okay ™️

Time for another round of "Is It 🌿🚬 or Did Someone Startle a Skunk Nearby?" 🦨

When your neighbors constantly remind you that your work-life balance is nonexistent 🙃

Yes, Petunia, I KNOW I haven't had a holiday for myself since the beginning of this year🫠😤 You can stop pointing it out🤡

Work/life balance, WHOMST?!

I'm about to throw hands at the entire American job market

"But getting coffee from a shop is expensive!"

Shut up.

1. So is everything else in this economy.
2. As long as the horrors persist, so will the little treats.
3. Again: scathing glares. Cursed names. Withered crops. Me crying.

A word to the wise: let me have my morning coffee/tea in peace, or so help me glob, I'll give you a scathing glare, curse your name, and wither your crops (and probably cry, let's be realistic here).

Giving the novel "Shogun" another chance by listening to the audio book. Such a captivating narrative, but haaaaaaate/loathe entirely how the narrator says "samurai". What in the HECK is a "sa-MEW-rye", my dude????

Uni ate a whole chicken again today…!?
Chicken Boy!

Carded at the wedding, girly-wigs! 🤯😅

May the rat bastardry and ass hattery not drag us down.

Uni, you ate a whole chicken again!?
Chicken Boy!!!

Monte Cristo sandwich on challah French toast? GAME CHANGER.

David Lynch as Gordon Cole in Twin Peaks

RIP, David Lynch. Truly one of the great weirdoes in film and television history.

季節のうつ病なのか本当にキャリアの道を変わって、日本に移動するべきなのかな。

"Every christening needs a scary b*tch and her crow!"

I just got asked by a French woman who came into my workplace where I'm from.

I said that I'm from the Midwest.

Then she said she thought I was from Eastern Europe because of my accent and my blonde hair.

Mind you, this is the second time something similar has happened to me this month.

I'm convinced that taking refuge in a sea of weighted blankets and unlimited cups of tea would fix me.

"Once upon a time," he said out loud to the darkness. He said these words because they were the best, the most powerful words that he knew and just the saying of them comforted him.

Paperback books are like velveteen rabbits — there to be loved and squeezed and read and stuffed into shoulder bags and left in the sun and read again until there's nothing left but the best kind of memories

I just waltzed in from lunch break with a glob of shmear from my bagel on my face, nbd 💀

tfw you work in a field that requires you to maintain all of the tact and diplomacy, but your face has subtitles 🫥