Hidden fart machine????

H': Wait you're a cosplayer, do you have a sewing machine?
Me: ...What kind of question-

J: "I wonder why it's such a phenomenon that so many furries are in these high paying science jobs"
Me: "Autism"

"Like how eating chips and salsa is technically eating a vegetable"
"No oh my god that's not how that works-"
"But it's MADE OF FRUITS AND VEGTABLES"
"Eat something like a carrot stick or something"

*coworker very audibly crunches carrot stick from the back of the room*

I was allowed to post some characters and weapons I did for Critical Role: Armory of Heroes book and I would love to start with Jester 💙

Overheard at work:
H: "YOU CAN'T SAY THAT"
M: "Well I can't UN-say it"

Coworker Big T: "Speaking of Bad Dragon"

I mean I said what I said

M greeting me this morning at 7:30am: "Morning, Bush"

:3

M: Wait wouldn't it be the opposite though since you're a woman? What's the opposite of a beard?
Me: ...A bush?
M: Right so if I'm gonna be your bush -

Continued:
Coworker M coming up to my desk: did it work?
Me: *glances at laptop* my..update? *makes jerkoff motion* this?
Coworker M: no, the automation
Me: ah, no.
Coworker M: so it was a bust? *jerkoff motion*

Also its possible that former boss (allegedly) used Chat GPT to ask how to embezzle. The one that (allegedly) got fired for embezzling

* Coworker waves at me. Holding something so it looks like jerkoff motion. Loudly yell "(coworker M) IS MAKING JERKOFF MOTIONS AT ME"
* Later coworker M passes desk doing ACTUAL wave. Wave back. Slowly turn wave into jerkoff gesture

* (this is the Big Boss like my Boss' Boss. He does not know how to use a shared calendar, filter things in excel, and asked what an extremely relevant term was in my business 8 months in)
* (this guy we also legitimately think might have narcolepsy because he keeps falling asleep in meetings)

Things that have happened at my work in the past 24 hours that prove I don't work in a Real Place

* Boss walks by. Coworker H, talking to me over their desk, stops mid-sentance to quickly duck underneath their desk. Crouches and runs out back door into Accounting

Is that what the trenchcoat last week was?? A preemptive celebratory Dresden cosplay? 🤣

Not if I get one first :3 only 3 seconds away hehe

This will only make me work harder

My bluesky logged me put so I wasn't getting notifs and I just got this. I'm getting you back btw

—Things Heard At AGDQ 2026—
my favorite semi-yearly tradition is back! ^^ here's a week-long thread of my favorite out-of-context sentence fragments overheard from Games Done Quick hosts, runners and commentators!
#AGDQ2026

"Odysseushadesgame still hot. What the FUCK did they put into him??"
"Lesbian bait, I guess"

"Come on Peepaw, let's get you back into Tartarus"

Speaking of gossipy guess whose ex-boss who is waiting for trial was spotted at a Tigers game and the picture passed around the office

They messaged me on teams to congratulate me and ask what happened because they're all gosspiy

Not the whole office listening to the conclusion of my since December long battle with (government agency) to get a simple status change for a couple items that I am unable to change myself

Me: Yeah I have a migraine so I'm gonna bounce in like 10"
Coworker: "You know what you need?"

At the same time:
Me: "Flower 🍃"
🥝: "Tequila."

@mitchfizzl.bsky.social honestly I feel like you two would get along because your levels of troll are very similar

I have one coworker who lets us request songs on his speaker. He tends to troll us and has been playing Who Let The Dogs Out basically every day for the past six months as well. He's off for his birthday today but he's still with us in spirit.

He just put Who Let The Dogs Out on remotely.

Overheard at work:
R: "J?"
J: "J?"
R: "J? Are you okay?"
J: "No."
R: "Oh, okay." *continues working*

Me watching the fake girlie with confidence issues befriend the other fake girlie with the confidence issues just waiting for the inevitable