Sorry I can't eat oatmeal bc the Bible says I can only eat the body of Christ 😔

Fruit roll ups are not mentioned by the Bible

been trying to caption this for 5 minutes bc it's so deeply funny to me but there's nothing else to say

Alright

Every night she looks so cute sleeping and every night I forget flash is on

It's too fucking cold this weather needs to get it together I can't keep slamming Mucinex

Hobbies include: nighttime flash photography of my dog

Sorry to become a gym diary

Lifting weights is actually so beautiful bc at the end of the day your body doesn't care how many reps you can do, as long as you're struggling you're gonna build muscle

I need ppl to stop telling me to watch jjk, season 1 was dogshit

The beast hungers for my flesh

Nyoom

The government loves to tax me bc I am so so epic

this is why there’s been mass revolt and opposition to data centers being built in communities. it is genuinely a health hazard to live this close to something emitting this much sound. these need to stop being built

Just owed state AND fed taxes someone tell me I don't need to buy corny vintage Darth maul t shirts for the gym

Low-key what I'm thinking 😂 also been prioritizing fiber more and that always helps

The Republicans r trying to stop me from eating cheesecake filling out of a bucket

I swear to God one of these days I'll actually be able to find that tub of no bake cheesecake they sell at Walmart. One day.

Hey Google do leg workouts make u poop more

Chuck Schumer: ‘The American People Deserve A President Who Can More Credibly Justify War With Iran’

Chuck Schumer: ‘The American People Deserve A President Who Can More Credibly Justify War With Iran’ theonion.com/chuck-schumer-the-americ...

Fb marketplace find of the day

My neighbor across the street literally orders delivery multiple times a day and I'm just. How the hell are they affording that

I just want strong hip mooscles

I'm gonna have to get here at 7am to try and get the hip abductor machine before the straight girlies do huh

If dc101 plays californication one more time when I'm in the car I might actually lose my mind

Wide ass headbands hold back shitty overgrown undercuts very well btw

I love the gym bc it gives me an excuse to dress like a bum

Uncooperative beast keeps licking at her blood draw site from her vet appointment last week

The relationship between a butch and their gay lil princess dog is actually so special

Wearing overalls and swinging a drill around back the fuck off people!!!! Big dick is coming thru!!!!!!