My phone hasn't ruined my attention span, this funeral's just boring as fuuuuck

you blocked me but in case you ever look back, you gotta think deeper about this stuff man. leftist hate of democrats comes from disappointment not secret fascism. you’re saying nonsense

You’re saying online leftists who will advocate for free health care, a higher minimum wage, unions, and less military funding are like their republican parents?

learned how to jailbreak my kindle today

let’s take back what’s ours

My real eyes are realizing something…

no way you’re bringing up pfps when yours is what a dementia patient sees while their male nurse overdoses them with morphine

end apartheid! free palestine! 🇵🇸

Another dog pissing itself, as to denote that Israel does not follow ceasefire agreements and Ohio Rob wishes he could’ve gone to South Africa before Nelson Mandela took power

a little dog with eyes pointing different directions peeing under itself, as to denote that a “proud zionist” is akin to a little dog pissing itself. free Palestine! end apartheid!

too true! haha!

Money is only the root of some evil. My evil is for the love of the game

Why do they get mad at you at the dog fighting ring when you say the score is fun to fun?

Discovered a cursed blade forged by my ancestors. It wants me to avenge my clan but idk how to explain to it that I’m trying to focus on my stand up career rn

I think Drake can still bring it back

I’m sending money to two different Nigerian princes. Call me polyscamorous

*Feeling my friend’s forehead when he has a fever* You’re in heat 😢

I don’t want to call my local representative. I want to ghost them and make them paranoid that they did something wrong

yet last year you claimed you were 28. curious…

Moral objectivity exists dumbass. It’s called Santa’s naughty or nice list

watching Whiplash!

sometimes people don’t fw me cause i’m the bad boy around here. i let it slide off me tho. not everyone can handle me

BBoB heads know who said it first

I tried teaching my kid life skills by making him file my taxes. Now the IRS is auditing me for being a good parent

Lot of new faces joining the skyline today. Just to let you all know, I’m kind of the bad boy around here

i used to call a guy this in high school

I hate the elderly

Need to start concocting 800 elixirs a month

Need to start unspending $800 a month

top 3 thing to do in an office