Don’t know who needs to hear this, but it’s not halachically obligated to eat pizza right after Pesach

Someone please tell this guy his tattoo doesn’t mean “luck” 😭

You had one job 😫

Just as the dish comes out, the shul president walks by on the sidewalk. Panicking, the rabbi shouts, “Oy, would you look how they serve an apple here?!”

Classic joke:

On vacation, a rabbi walks into a non-kosher restaurant and thinks “Eh, why not?" He asks for a seat outside and decides if he’s gonna do it, he's gonna go big. He orders a whole roasted suckling pig, complete with an apple in its mouth.

12 is the only acceptable score

(even though gefilte fish is gross)

REPORT: Researchers have discovered a sixth love language — fresh sufganiyot

Just watched my kids play dreidel for 20 minutes and I thought wow kids are so easily entertained and then I realized I just watched my kids play dreidel for 20 minutes

At the museum, I saw a menorah with a 2000 year old oil stain.

Yup. Ancient Greece…

Two ultimate truths in this world:

1. Hashem is one

2. No woman wearing a dress with pockets will EVER fail to mention it has pockets upon receiving a compliment on said dress

The Strait of Hormuz sounds like something you’d find on a seder plate

OF COURSE this happened on Shabbos

I haven’t seen two titans clash like this since Hillel and Shammai

This really has been the best season of The Apprentice yet

Why do teenagers only count odd days of the Omer?

Because, like, they totally can’t even.

How I think I look on Lag B’Omer vs how I really look

Fun Fact: Lag B’Omer is the day Jewish barbers earn their mane income

Where do you buy stuff for a lag b’omer cookout?

Kohls.

Moishe tells his mom he's in love and says, "I'm gonna bring over 3 women and you try to guess which one I'm gonna marry." The next day, he brings 3 women home.

“Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm gonna marry." She replies, “The one on the right."

"Amazing. How did you know?

"I don't like her."

Omer Simpson

Mathematics? Pfft. Give me a pope that double majored in Jewish philosophy and Talmudic studies

When cardinals flip out in yeshiva

We don’t throw away perfectly good Shabbos leftovers in my house.

We put it in Tupperware, wait for it to go bad, and then we throw it away.

I, for one, like counting the Omer with Roman numerals

For Sefirat HaOmer this year, I bought my kids beads for an abacus.

It's the little things that count.

a group of children are getting ready to run on a track . ALT: a group of children are getting ready to run on a track .

Me forgetting to count the Omer on the third night

Me with cookies after pesach

BREAKING: King Solomon shared military plans on group chat which included his 1000 wives

At the seder I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor 😩