She realized she’d rather be a teacher than make a cameo returning in your life

We should all be like this frog with dementia

*talking to teenage militant atheist self*

current me: okay so there’s a big fight between the government and the catholic church

teenage me: got it, so we’re obviously on the side of the government

current me: I, uh, you might want to sit down for this one

Look at the date, it was last year. I said “evergreen” because the message still applies.

Good news. The American empire is falling. Bad news. I'm an American.

Evergreen

That makes me sad. I wonder what the story behind it is.

a photo of a pigeon nesting on a nest built on top of anti-bird spikes, with the text "a pigeon constructed its nest directly on anti pigeon spikes"

become ungovernable d2w9rnfcy7mm78.cloudfront.net/44803208/ori...

guy who gets mad at ice at the airport because candy crush is for fake gamers

If not, (or want to print your own) I’d recommend just finding a good list and pasting the illustrations into word or similar. I’d definitely recommend illustrations over photos. No background plus illustrations tend to be better for identification than a specific photo.

Earth Sky + Water - Peterson’s Backyard Birds of The Pacific Northwest This stunning poster includes 81 of the most common backyard birds of the Pacific Northwest. (Region includes: Coastal Oregon, Washington, and British Columbia.) The illustrations are by Roger Tory Peterson, along with James Audubon, are America's most famous bird naturalists and illustrators. 19 X 27 inch overall size, the poster comes in a heavy-walled 2 inches mailing tube with plastic end caps. Printed on 80 pound coated stock using fade resistant inks and the highest production values, it is truly of museum quality and suitable for framing.

Something like this? amzn.to/4rJhOiV

I’d be very worried about a Democrat who would actually change things surviving the Mossad

theonion.com/no-blood-for...

This War Will Destabilize The Entire Mideast Region And Set Off A Global Shockwave Of Anti-Americanism vs. No It Won’t George W. Bush may think that a war against Iraq is the solution to our problems, but the reality is, it will only serve to create far more.

This War Will Destabilize The Entire Mideast Region And Set Off A Global Shockwave Of Anti-Americanism vs. No It Won’t

Its time will come. Wait and see.

Gotta get on the JPEGXL train 🚂

A fabricated statement from Nintendo of America's Twitter account addressing a fictitious scenario in which the Earth's oxygen supply is presumed to be depleting at a rapid pace, leaving humanity with mere days to live. "This is Miyamoto. On behalf of everyone who is employed at Nintendo Co. LTD and its subsidiaries, we deeply mourn the countless human lives which will be lost due to the depletion of the global oxygen supply. To anyone who has ever played one of our games, we are eternally grateful to have created long-lasting fun and memories for you. To ease the suffering of families and children across the world, the Mario Kart World game for the Nintendo Switch 2 system will be available as a free download on Nintendo eShop for the foreseeable future. We hope this small gesture of kindness will ease the pain as humanity prepares for a worst-case scenario." The statement is distastefully plastered with logos for Nintendo and Nintendo Switch 2, as well as with a render of Mario from Mario Kart World.

A fabricated Twitter thread responding to the fabricated Nintendo statement. John Default Profile Picture: "No one read this statement and thought it was distasteful? Why did Miyamoto think this would help anyone?" NintenDeen: "Simple: Nintendo is so depraved that they'd exploit a global crisis to boost the player count of the failed Mario Kart World and force consumers back into the Switch 2 ecosystem to boost sales and player numbers."

A fabricated Twitter thread responding to the fabricated Nintendo statement. PlayStation Nation: "What the fuck are you doing falsely advertising sales during these trying times? I went to the website and Mario Kart World is still selling for $80 USD." Kremling Kevin: "If you actually read the statement, it clearly says the discount is available on Nintendo eShop. Meaning the application on the Switch 2 itself, not the web browser version." PlayStation Nation: "Point still stands."

A fabricated Tweet responding to the fabricated Nintendo statement. Isaboner: "Nothing for Switch 1 owners?"

Had a dream that there was global panic about the world running out of oxygen, Nintendo was the only video game company to make a statement about it, and the internet collectively spent its final hours on Earth debating whether Nintendo was being genuine or not

I kept this up for three years before the CEO (my dad) finally recognized my results and promoted me to SVP. There are no gimmicks. There are no shortcuts. To get ahead, create value. (Let's see how many people read long enough to get to the punchline. Happy Friday!)

Literally blacked out the bottom where they reveal that it was a joke

we need to talk about that Ring Super Bowl ad

No son, they are not "magically delicious." The workers made them delicious. This is a slogan meant to mystify the social conditions of labor

Luigi Mangione surrounded by flames grinning with the text Repent or Perish

Westboro Baptist Church tried to make an Anti-Luigi Mangione poster but it just looks like Luigi is threatening billionaires and goes unironically hard af

Larry Krasner, the Philadelphia District Attorney, has vowed to "find the identities" of ICE officers who break the law.

When I run for mayor (after moving to NYC someday) my campaign will center on my animal handling experience working at a nature center in my teens.

Dialectics

I broke the story yesterday that masked ICE agents (not DOJ) were removing items including a personal computer from the home of Jonathan Ross, the ICE agent who shot Renee Good. I have yet to see a single news outlet cover this or an elected official even acknowledge it.

The phone is for making posts like "the ass is the father of the legs" whereas the computer is for posts that include words like "inexorably"

This is a slight against the average among us who don’t look like a swollen thumb

40 people (at least) died. It's the official policy of these newsrooms that Latin American lives aren't worth anything. Again, if you still pay for an NYT subscription I think you're trash.

WOW!!!!!!!