If you're down one dazzling donor next year, you know what happened

Do Junior Mints ever go bad? Asking for the unopened box of junior mints i just found in the back of a cabinet

Finshed packing and don't have to leave for the airport for at least an hour, not sure what to do with all this free time

Oh cool, unexpected jets flying over DC, not terrifying at all

I guess right at this moment, earth but my office is like 3 blocks from the White House

Kind of a weird place to be at the moment

Forgot my AirPods in my other bag and now I just have to ride metro with nothing but my thoughts? Horror

“So if you eat it with a knife and fork, you’re going to be fine with one napkin. If you want to pick it up and eat it, you definitely need more than one napkin.” - waiter giving me detailed instructions on how to eat a sandwich

"Oh no, not that kind of massage, I mean where do you go to get your legitimate massages" - dudes sitting at table next to me

I know! I’m questioning everything

Hello, 911? Yes, my husband is currently eating a hard taco with a fork and knife

😲

Husband: "Do you want to come downstairs and watch the Bills game on the big tv?"
Me, from my office: "No, this is something I need to do alone"

Feels strange to care this much about a football game when the world is falling apart and yet here I am.

2 of my 5 siblings’ families have Covid, the white elephant is shrinking by the minute

🎶Black Friday deals, I’m gonna keep on shopping for some Black Friday deals, Black Friday deals🎶 - to the tune of Pink Pony Club

Now that’s stuck in all of your heads too

Walked outside just as my neighbors were giving a tray of cookies to another neighbor. I hope my prolonged eye contact made it clear that if a tray of cookies doesn’t appear at my front door soon they’ve made an enemy for life

Turns out my baking sheet storage unit doubles as a second oven, how convenient

Am I allowed to alphaguess here? 🧩 Puzzle #478
🤔 8 guesses
⏱️ 58s
🔗 alphaguess.com

I looked up the show after hearling Luke on This American Life, it happened to be the first episode they were a podcast only, I was extremly confused but clearly I was hooked.

"Wow, this is insane" - my husband coming into my office to admire my healthiest coping mechanism, putting up Christmas decor

"Yeah, I'm not that worried about tomorrow me right now" - me responding to the look my husband is giving me as I make another martini

Just told our project manager on a huge project that I updated our timeline based on "vibes" which I'm sure they really loved

1 week ago I somehow found myself in the world of asmr soap cutting videos on Instagram and thought it was the oddest thing ever. Fast forward to today and my anxiety brain cannot rest until I've watched at least 5-10 soap cutting videos

Yes I have an important task past due but unfortunately I just remembered my grandpa used to collect marbles so I’m going to have to take the rest of the day to Google ‘vintage marbles’ for nostalgia reasons, I’m sure work will understand

Found an injured dog this morning and took her to an emergency shelter for treatment, trying everything I can think of to find her home because ugh, I cannot adopt another dog...but she's so sweet and adorable

This project team seems to love making gantt charts way more than they like doing the actual work required to complete the project.

My neighbor to his 4yr old son "Hey, there's Cupcake!"
Kid comes running and sees me and my dog, Cupcake: "ugh, I thought you meant a cupcake we can eat!"

Honestly, I'd be disappointed too

Wow, my entire team is horrified by me just because I said our coworker's newborn "looks kinda yucky"

Oof. Glad this cat is ok but wow, I'm stressed imagining what she want through