The Last Newfangled Direction, a way so westernmost that the Ouroboros Kid eats his own sunset while omnirising after his own son of a bitch, the fastest omnidraw in omnipresence

today I thought about putting the car in reverse and going really fast just in case Satan was behind me

dermatologist grimly sipping coffee and thinking goddamnit more skin today

at my local supermarket if Come On Eileen is playing while you’re in aisle four around the organic beans, a worm hole opens up and you get to do your prom all over again but only once so get it right this time

It’s hard being sexy. That’s why I don’t do it.

I know a bench to sit and yearn hate to see me coming

skeet so bad you find out who your friends are

i know a thing or two about ignoring red flags

Wow.
4 p.m.

Bedtime already.

Please please pro-tip me now. Ok. If you play Duran Duran Side Project Simulator on Roblox you might level up faster if you choose the Power Station route but if you go Arcadia the kids will mad respect you

Sometimes I post skeets just to delete them

in my next life i hope i come back as a sexy chicken, like way too hot to eat

do not approach the leggy pink guy selling bonds in a trench coat that’s a flimflamingo

Sorry I'm two hours late. I went the wrong way with the whole clock thing.

My favorite thing about streaming services is the wide variety of volume levels.

This is the worst hookup app I've ever downloaded.

I always ask them not to cut the pizza so I can just eat it like a big cookie

At my age, a ménage á trois is just me a sheet cake and a fork.

Oh sure, you don't think about swallowing worms when you eat fettuccine, that's cool. Put some Alfredo on that hashtag blessed personality

I think the point is to be inquisitive

I am the lyre playing in the back of your mind the sun glint off your golden hair inside your memory unaware I am the loud laugh

whisper sweet nothings to me in your computer voice

on mondays I reply to everything everyone says by shaking my head ruefully and saying what a world

If eyes are the windows to the soul, yours need de-icing

I'm awake, but at what cost?

Sad Magazine's Cry vs Cry always did a number on me, so double sad, but when the emotional world began to uncomic its exaggeration I found a mad world where they were always blowing each other up and I never turned back, not even to that last page when folded just holds you

I take no credit for the posts on this account as they're actually all written by U2s The Edge.

replying "moist likely" to all inquiries until I am bludgeoned to death