I know that these weeks every year are just so busy and I just have to get through them, but adding this system stress on top is really risking the delicate balance of my “staying busy” into a crashing burnout and I really don’t want to give them the satisfaction of breaking me!
Theatre volunteering and walking the virtual London Marathon this weekend, then leading DofE expedition next weekend so there’s a whole lot of admin needed and then there’s the “day job” that is incredibly busy… and aging parents who decide to have separate issues at the same time…
Still not able to sleep following the challenge of what should have been a simple therapy review appointment, with part 2 happening next week, the pressure on “saying it right” to be believed is mounting…functioning enough to get work done is starting to be a challenge…
I’m sorry for being so MIA. It’s really thrown me more than I thought, even though I expected the rejection and dismissing but still it’s completely floored me… trying to rebuild ready for round two Thursday 30th
The stress of trying to get the system to hear me, added on to the top of what I was actually asking for some help with has driven my brain into the kind of dissociated state that I’ve not been in for years… not here at all… really making functioning and working difficult…
Poems by the late - great - survivor activist and all round lovely guy Peter Campbell
m.youtube.com/watch?v=emJK...
It’s catching me hard tonight. I should be preparing my notes ready for it but my brain is frozen and I’m not even really here… I hate that this has such power, even when I’ve worked so hard at taking it back.
It is likely that no support will be offered despite guidelines & shiny conferences suggesting best practice… and while I will continue to give my all to the work I do, the system will refuse to offer anything in return… preparing myself for the rejection & patronising celebration of my resilience.
As the time gets closer to the therapy review appointment I had to fight for 6 months to get, & I recall the countless times I’ve been dismissed/not believed because I function on the outside, I feel more & more like this is the end of the road…
As a committee member for a group, I fell into it, like most of my volunteer stuff… a group I’ve been involved with for years, an activity I’m passionate about, a role where I could be useful (helping with trying to get funding) and because I see the positive impact of keeping the group going…
Horrible panic for no apparent reason needs to get lost! Unnecessary and horrible. Hope that today is a gentle day.
📺Our newest co-production webinar is out, this time on evaluation and demonstrating impact!
Watch here 👇 www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTWD...
Catch-up on the whole series here 👇 www.disabilityrightsuk.org/news/watch-o...
Considering it’s taken 6 months of going around in circles trying to get the request to the right service (being closed 3 times as they said I didn’t respond to non existent letters or calls).
And since they are likely going to say no to offering any support, it all feels a bit pointless.
Trying to structure my reasons for requesting a review of access to therapy, where what had been provided was never going to meet need and closing letter gave the service a pat on the back for skills/coping that I’d already got before starting… functioning seen as coping well, not purely survival…
My friends/family have always said food related things… so a takeaway or meal prep box voucher? Something they can use a few months down the line when they’re exhausted and hungry
Very much back at you there!
This is what I feel. If I can take a few minutes to bring the smallest bit of light to someone's life, then that is important and that is enough.
Sending kind thoughts, glad Snoopy is there for hugs
Many live with the limitations of not understanding numbers and the impact that has on everyday life. Laura Parker's Accessible Numbers project offers guidance on how to design services and write content for people who need help with numbers.
accessiblenumbers.com
Phantom will always be a winner to me 🏆
I have a few days off. It’ll probably be spent trying to sleep. Good luck with the essays
Probably just too tired. Two more weeks to get through till I have some time off… just have to keep going…
Enough.
No more.
It’s very tight, not really any breaks at all unfortunately… the way that things get booked with Teams called, not a minute in between today…
my own fault in some ways with the late session, but my team catch ups rotate time wise for people’s availability, so this month is an evening 🤦🏻♀️
Maybe taking the day off to visit the woodland project was a bad idea…
Really struggling to put the feelings, that crash in when I slow down,back in their box and get back to work today… just want to hide but instead it’s a 12 hr day of back to back meetings…
Not so good, but just have to keep going. It’ll be okay.
Wishing this for you too.
I’m exhausted and that’s obviously making the dissociation worse, still riding the crisis wave that crashed in October and was increased by Christmas.
It is just so hard to keep going.