I'd like to take this opportunity that I WILL be getting the surgery that turns you into a cephalopod.

Art by @dannastaaf.bsky.social

two images of the human body's circulatory system. One of them with good cable management

The human circulatory system, before and after proper cable management.

yaas! 🤗

Mirror selfie after drinking and dancing at a wedding. My left hand appears to be pointing to my chest.

The same image is zoomed in to reveal my finger was placed on the radius on my hard nipple that is visible through my dress shirt.

Was feeling myself last night. 🎛️🤏

they look exactly like every single gay couple I know that’s been together for more than 3 years

While some may consider your lemon-fetish algorithm weird, we're not not here to yuck your yum. 🍋💛😝

Look at that smile at the end.

Dolly Parton is like a whole new dog ❤️

"Magataotao" on Twitter writes: "I am Catholic. This👇is not my Pope." Attached is a video of the Pope saying that we should search for peace and reject war. A community note under their tweet says: "You are not a Catholic if you do not accept the Pope, but rather a schismatic. Canon 751: “Schism is the refusal of submission to the Supreme Pontiff,” ie. the Pope. https://www.vatican.va/archive/cod-iuris-canonici/eng/documents/cic_lib3-cann747-755_en.html"

first in my bloodline to see someone get excommunicated by a community note

Three panel comic. Panel 1: a little grey alien is piloting a UFO over the Earth, approaching Turkey (the country). Panel 2: the alien is seated and posed for a photograph with two guys, one of them is a doctor in scrubs and a face mask giving a thumbs up. They are in front of a backdrop that says “HAIR LIFE NOW”. The alien is smiling and has marker drawings on his bald head in the shape of a hairline. Panel 3: 14 month update, the alien has a lush and full head of brown hair, he is combing through and showing off to the viewer.

Two panel comic. Panel 1: a digital kiosk at the entrance of a parking garage with a dispensed ticket. The screen display reads: PLEASE TAKE TICKET BELOW. Panel 2: a T-Rex is sticking its little arm out the window of its partially opened car door, trying to reach the ticket.

Drawing of a long-legged crab titled "arthropod". Below it is a nearly identical drawing titled "anthropod," where the crab has human legs and hands instead of crabby limbs.

just had a thought...

Spanish PM Pedro calls for the IMMEDIATE ARREST of Netanyahu
He said: "Netanyahu launched the worst possible unjustified attack against Lebanon. His contempt for life and international law is intolerable. He is a criminal that must be arrested immediately.” #cdnpoli

Thank you for changing my life I’m literally just a hot dog

Good morning

Please enjoy my cartoon for Wednesday's Toronto Star

I'll take this one for the team. 😈

Rep. Scanlon comments on my story about the new FBI-led NSPM-7 Joint Mission Center 👇

“I wouldn’t want to be unemployed in this attorney general job market.” Molly Yeats, Circus Accountant

Pam Bondi Fired As Attorney General theonion.com/pam-bondi-fired-as-attor...

Sending so much love! 🐻😘

Cartoon image of Jesus with his hands covering his eyes but he can see through his hands because of being crucified and all that jazz

Fat Cock Good Friday

🙃

sometimes it’s the lone voices who have the strongest impact.

if Facebook is addictive on a software level, why can't the addiction be treated on a hardware level? I would absolutely wear a smartwatch that shocks me whenever I visit Facebook

🐻😘

the waves 🔊⚡️

a man in a grey shirt stands in front of a crowd ALT: a man in a grey shirt stands in front of a crowd

The only good bug is a dead bug!

A viral dog rescue from 2016 is now immortalized with a statue in Kazakhstan. When a dog fell into the Sayran reservoir, bystanders formed a human chain to pull him to safety. The statue is a reminder of the value of unity, solidarity and collective action. 14/10 for all

Carne asada breakfast burrito, fully wrapped

when life is sad, burrito is there. thank you burrito.

*affirmations voice*

I’m a really good kisser
I am altruistic on the sidewalk
My dick is pretty
I’m not a picky eater
My ass is fat