Gerber baby food: now fortified with CBD

I’m a dude who wipes. That’s why I use Dude Wipes

Heating my knife so I can finally cut through this stick of soft butter

Explaining to my pregnant wife why it's actually a good thing that I forgot to buy the food she's craving

It's a conspiracy to make you go to the dentist

Do your own research: they're putting microchips in bags of Doritos

Tomb of the Unknown Small Business Owner

Suspects basically hate matching a description

Tomb of the Unknown Small Business Owner

Iannis Xenakis - Kottos (twee ukelele cover)

I am unfortunately the voice of a generation

What if a fire broke out at the conclave? Kind of a boy who cried wolf situation

Pointless toil is about more than just money

You can't put the piss back in the tube

There's only one way to truly delete one's account

Thank you!!! ❤️❤️❤️

"Bless you" to anyone sneezing rn

A doomsday scenario would be devastating for the economy

Congrats on making your wife your wife! 🎉

Caesar should have known better than to trust a guy named "Brutus"

When you see a guy walk out of the grocery store with 36-pack of toilet paper, you know that guy wipes

No idea why it's embarrassing for someone to walk out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to their shoe. That's someone who you know has wiped

There should be an Arlington National Cemetery for small business owners

My wife's "water just broke" (???) and she's demanding medical attention "right now." What a Karen

Beautiful lyrics to a beautiful song

I've seen Bigger Boppers

Going to the gym to take care of my pre-remains

Blurred out face of a suited man

No special effects required! My face is naturally blurred out