I’d say that this drunk wiener should look into one of the things that broke the stalemate in World War I, but we all know he can’t read.

Computers: they’re just like us!

ANCIENT GREEK PRO WRESTLING PROMOTER: ok so you're going to be what's known as a "heel"
ACHILLES: fuck you

I wish Cisco would build a switch that combined the specs of their 9000-series switches with the reliability of that whole 3500 generation. Those things were workhorses.

Real “You need to read Ultimates 3 to know what’s going on in Ultimatum” energy. I’m not gonna do either of those things, thank you.

Imagine watching that piece of shit again so that you can know what’s going on in this piece of shit.

Oh, god, I work in IT. I’m *fucked*

A DIY scene is certainly more likely to put out something worthwhile than the international pervert podcast ring that replaced it.

Remember when he talked for twenty-seven hours straight for, like, no good reason?

I would give anything to hear “wurrwilf” for the first time again.

One fun thing about WWE's modern marketing is when retiring wrestlers do the bow down and kiss the canvas thing they're now smooching logos for things like "Kid Kloudz: The First Vape for Children."

God damn, this team is cheeks

Fun fact: Brock Anderson isn’t even 30 yet.

WCW was lousy with dudes who looked twenty years older than they were. It’s also genetic, apparently:

The Phoenix Suns, or: What if we built an entire team out of guys who look like pieces of shit?

I will never forgive the NBA for making me have to look at Devin Booker.

We gotta keep running these losers back.

It’s inaccurate to say Mario is brave and Luigi is cowardly

Luigi is afraid of death, so he runs away from danger. Mario is afraid of living, so he runs towards death. Both brothers are cowards in their own way

Real “Darryl teaching Michael Scott fake street slang” vibes there.

That was kind of the plot of Toy Story 2, which is probably where the series should’ve ended.

Y’all are nasty

Jake’s so boring that I don’t even want to see him get waylaid by a slap that’s basically a punch.

Leo vs JD Vance and 20 other Dimes Square freaks. If you get red flagged, you get excommunicated.

Pope Chad I

We sure did put ourselves in a real shitty spot here.

It rules that the Maine senate election is going to come down to one of two dipshit Nazis vs. Susan Collins.

"A dad for a dad would turn the whole world gay" -Gandhi

“My favorite movie is MacGruber.”

Hell yeah, they fried their brains completely

Usually the point of a siege is that the *other* guys starve.