A New Yorker who can’t remember what a corner store is needs the ice floe treatment

This image features Kurt Russell as the iconic antihero Snake Plissken in the 1981 dystopian action film, Escape from New York. Directed by John Carpenter, the film is set in a future (the then-dystopian 1997) where Manhattan has been converted into a giant maximum-security prison.

Yep 💀

I love that Bullseye has been covering some heavy music lately in addition to the excellent hip hop interviews

my true legacy will be my typos

i don’t want to join a cult, bit if that’s what it takes

Are there any aspirational figures for men in their 50s? I just realized I’ll never be Marc Bolan in 1971 and need to pivot

Yes… Ha Ha Ha… Yes!

I have no idea what to do when the weather is pleasant like this

At this point, simply enforcing existing laws would be indistinguishable from a political purge, and we need to do it. Section 3 of the 14th Amendment alone could clear out Trump's entire cabinet and most Republicans in Congress.

i know i live one of the most privileged lives in history, but the idea that i should practice gratitude as part of my mental health journey fills me with rage

Lousy Smarch weather

Chuck Norris leaves behind an almost uniquely unfunny joke framework

i took a huge longshot bet on an apparently now legal website that a certain person would be killed by a shuriken to the eye, why was that even an option? #electionprofitmakers

i’m not saying that young women suddenly killing powerful men is a good idea, bit i’m not not saying it

the best time to train up little girls to be secret superhuman assassins that can be activated with a pop song was 10 years ago but the second best time is now

jesus christ, for the same money you could take a private jet to a katy perry show

oh wow

If there’s anyone sane near the president, now would be a good time to stop any and all attempts to “bring about armageddon”

Better luck next time. The best time for an evil man to die is 50 years ago, the next best time is today

a man with steep mental decline, trying to distract from the fact that he molested children, did so by dropping bombs on a school full of children

things every single republican president of your lifetime has done

- started a war in the middle east
- completely destroyed the economy

Can't wait to hear a guy who couldn't accurately describe what he was just looking at if he closed his eyes for five seconds encapsulate the state of the union.

Thank you for your service. I can’t do it but I will be hoping for funny reactions to what I assume will be a disaster. Take a drink if he audibly shits his pants!

THAT explains why I can’t see out of any of my windows

Wife had been out presumably shoveling for 45+ minutes. How long before i have to take the dogs out to dig her out of a snow bank?

Watching the Boston weather forecast and wishing the Nausets had just murdered the Pilgrims.

The pot smoking republicans are really into this phish cover at this community center event

If a person is taught that eternal conscious torment—for arbitrary “sins”—is an appropriate punishment, then they will endorse any earthly punishment for those they consider “others.”

I wanna see a routine done to “Lovecraft in Brooklyn”

Welllll there'ssssss
Bill Clinton and Bill Gates and Alan Dershowitz too,
Kevin Spacey, Stephen Hawking, and of course Prince Andrew!
Jared Kushner and Elon Musk, he's a pretty big deal,
Les Wexner! Larry Summers! And the Antichrist Peter Thielllllll!