Mom says it's my turn with the orb. You have to share. Those apocalyptic visions are for everybody.

Thanks!

2/2

“Him? He’s just my advisor.”

Dani frowned. “He’s got a hand up your backside!”

“…A very close adviser.”

She pointed her sword. “Face me, ventriloquist!”

“We can’t fight him!” her sword said. “He’s too tough and scary!”

She sighed. “Stop that!”

The ventriloquist shrugged. “Worth a shot.”

Dani rushed into the throne room, sword drawn.

“At last!” the Puppet King said. “The final battle!”

“My fight isn’t with you,” she said. “I’m after the real ruler of #Sand Castle, the ventriloquist.”

The Puppet King looked around. “What ventriloquist?”

“You’re sitting in his lap!”

#vss365 1/2

“But why haven’t they given 𝘮𝘦𝘦𝘦𝘦 a Nebula yet? It’s not 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘪𝘪𝘪𝘪𝘳!” - Award-whining author

When your pants slip down so your butt shows, it's called a "plumber's crack", but carpenters and gardeners get it, too. It's a crack of all trades.

Easter eggs are what happens when a chicken does LSD.

"Escape" definitely feels like the right word these days.

Inspiration Overdose: Too many ideas for science fiction, horror, and fantasy stories Inspiration Overdose: Too many ideas for science fiction, horror, and fantasy stories [Schmidt, D. N.] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. Inspiration Overdose: Too many ideas for science fiction, horror, and fantasy stories

Inspiration Overdose is like a never ending writing prompt game! Enjoy story ideas and creativity tools with trillions of combinations! Great for fantasy stories, science fiction, horror, and more.

Kill writer's block for good!

#writingcommunity #authors #books 💙📚

www.amazon.com/Inspiration-...

A group of scientists say human vision likely evolved from an ancient, one-eyed worm creature. But no matter how interested you are in evolutionary biology, if anyone offers to show you a one-eyed worm, JUST SAY NO.

3/3

Once the man left, the sergeant came over to the officer’s desk. “What was that about?”

“The nut thinks his wife was secretly replaced by a ‘hoo man.’ He’s probably been watching too many horror cubes.”

The sergeant laughed. “Must be a full earth tonight. Always brings out the crazies.”

2/3

“I knocked it down when I ran for the door. I think it hit its head. Something leaked out, like it was full of red goo. I’ve never seen such a thing! You’ve got to get it out of my house!”

The officer nodded. “Sure, buddy. We’ll look into it right away. Just go to a hotel for the night.”

“At first, it looked like my wife,” the man said. “But it wasn’t her! Its eyes had a #ring of color in the middle. Its movements were wrong, like it had hinges in its limbs. And when it opened its mouth, it had a pink tentacle inside!”

The police officer nodded. “Tell me more.”

#vss365 1/3

Boss, don't think of me as "lazy". I'm actually a homeopathic employee. I dilute each minute of work with 59 minutes of staring out the window.

Song Prequels, Beatles redux:

It's Been a Hard Day

No, I'm Good, Thanks

Why Am I Growing These Tusks?

Maxwell's Trip to the Hardware Shop

Song prequels, Beatles edition:

* Today

* Where Do You Think You’re Going With My Diamonds, Lucy?

* With A Little Help From My Acquaintances Once I Get To Know Them Better

* City Council Meeting To Discuss The Winding Road Extension Proposal

* My Guitar Has Been Feeling Down Lately

I still have all the stuffed animals my grandma gave me when I was a baby. I miss her. She was one awesome taxidermist.

The Proper Care and Feeding of Humans Amazon.com: The Proper Care and Feeding of Humans eBook : Schmidt, D.N.: Kindle Store

When Earth is visited by seemingly benevolent aliens, Jack is suspicious of humanity's new guardians. Is it still an alien invasion if they only want to help?

www.amazon.com/Proper-Care-...

It was? That's hilarious. I used to have Anthology but I never got into the group beyond that.

Indrag would be a good funny faux word, but I thought the second half of the joke worked better with “incast.”

You always hear about outcasts, but never the opposite.

“When Kyle moved here, he was a total social incast. Everyone loved him right away. He must have been thrown into every bar in town.”

True! I might have to watch it alone though. My wife can’t stand Jason Segel.

I love when the Buffy cast appears in other projects. My wife and I have been watching Veronica Mars for the first time, and we got super excited when Alyson Hannigan and Charisma Carpenter showed up.

Daffy Geoduck

I always thought it would be fun for a band to name their first album “Best Of,” and then have album art and track titles for a bunch of previous albums that don’t actually exist.

bart simpson is holding a bowling ball while sitting next to milhouse Alt: Bart Simpson is sitting next to Milhouse on the bus. They are playing with a Magic 8-Ball, which answers their question with “All signs point to yes.”

Could I write a better book using a Magic 8-Ball than with your stupid Ai?

2/2

“Hopefully never!” Dan said. “It’s butcher election day, and I’m supporting G’lark. He’ll put apple slices in our feed!”

Frank scowled. “But they both want to fatten us up to eat us.”

“If you don’t vote, you can’t complain!”

Frank stared through the gap between the bars. Ever since the Reptilian invasion, he and his neighbors had been trapped like livestock in a #pen.

The creature who fed them had been gone for hours. If they were going to escape, now was the time. “When do you think Z’gurt will be back?”

#vss365 1/2

That’s true. Maybe she can offer it as a shared universe for other authors to create in.

Ah, good point! Maybe if she writes something in the “Lore” world, people will want more background.