Just walking along the road and a bit of potato fell out my mouth. It's a new one

Very late to the Project Zomboid party but this game is brilliantly infuriating.

April fools is cancelled this year because everyday is a fucking joke

I hate LinkedIn. LinkedIn is for wankers. If you post regularly on there you're definitely a wanker.

Apparently it's not considered weird to fancy Louis Theroux anymore. +1 to society

'highly educated people disagree with me so hop on board if you consider yourself a dumbass' is a very different sales flex definitely

Men are from Mars women are from Venus blah blah blah the trick to peace with the other is accepting that they eat bread, they stand in the kitchen and eat bread, a lot of bread. You can psychology all you want; save yourself a lot of heartache by just accepting the bread will be consumed.

Him; 'You can't be that autistic you don't listen to songs about trains'

Me; But I love Saxon

Same

Sounds like a bloody lovely friday

There's nothing that unites British people more than making fun of a high profile paedophile.

Boyfriend is wearing Grinch socks. Revoking his Grinch title for a) owning these socks at all b) wearing them in February c) daring to pretend he hates December more than I

My toxic trait is being unavailable.

sorry prettyboys, the time has come for guys with bodies so fucked up entire datacenters implode trying to replicate them to rule the silver screen

If you havin food problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 Dreamies cos a bitch had none. Feed me!

Why do the Five Guys burgers look like they've been sat on by Five Gu... oh, I see

Once stayed in a hot tub too long; threw up absolutely everywhere after getting out. Epstein files eliciting a similar reaction.

Burgers for peace might be the diplomatic solution everybody needs

EU cookie law on websites. There's a pop up that asks you to accept or decline consent for the site to store cookies. Bane of my internet life.

Unless I have misunderstood you.

Accepting cookies on that website? Consider yourself judged.

Getting my boyfriend to go into work is an actual job in itself. Underpaid, stressful and I don't like the boss very much at 6am.

Guardian headline: The far right Meet 'Amelia': the Al-generated British schoolgirl who is a far-right social media star 4h ago

absolutely not, why the fuck would I want to do that

i'm not a morning person. or an afternoon person. or a person. i'm 8 gallons of iced coffee held together by pure spite and questionable life choices.

There should be a law against checking the news when you can't sleep. Definitely bad for your health.

Just bought my cat a nappy. Hows your day going?

(Aka diaper for any non British folk)

Might I suggest watching Black Books episode 1 for tax return guidance

When all people know about your cuisine is biscuits & gravy or hamburgers it's hard not to blame people for dunking on you when you're competing with crumpets and beef wellington

I think the only remotely French product in my local shop is a croissant baked in an industrial kitchen in Slough

Social media has taught me, that if you have nothing important to say, you should say it on social media.