in the warehouse. straight up "blazin it". and by "it", haha, well. let's justr say. the warehouse

sorry kid you’re born you make a gmail account then you die that’s just how it goes

when life hands you a bucket, kick it

shredder could defeat the ninja turtles soooo easily. just send them a pizza topped with plastic straws

crushing a dick on my head after chugging it

first they came for the baddies and i did not speak out because now im the hottest in the office

then they came for the sad boys and i did not speak out because im sick of hearing bukowski quotes

then they came for the looksmaxxers and i did not speak out because tbh they deserved it

then they ca

drunk enough to be referencing memes in public with no shame

sorry to break it to you but “treats” instead of “snacks” has the same energy as “play” instead of “sex”

grateful for my dumb idiot friend that shows up at my house at night when i’m sad with chocolate, stupid jokes, and genuine willingness to listen. kinda like a santa claus for adults

being able to walk across the street to the kobuk any time during work is magical

you cannot mog me in a way that matters

a grocery store isle sign that says “hot cereal”

hot🥵🫦single😘✨🤤cereal🥣💦 in your area🛒📱✨💖

A tweet from Elon Musk that says: If I actually wanted to spend my time partying with young women, it would be trivial for me to do so without the help of a creepy loser like Epstein and I would still have 99% of my mind available to think about other things. But I don't.

love that he thinks that he can party with a bunch of girls using 1% of his brain

it’s like ten thousand goons when all you need is a wife

head on over. my place is just a hop, skip, and a splooge away

this or nothing

not all heroes wear condoms

@viewmaster.bex: “Got my husband a thermal camera for Christmas and found out our cat's butthole is 94 degrees.” A thermal photo shows the back of a cat, its tail is 72.6 degrees and its butt is 94.3.

this is why I can never log off

hold me peen
im six strokes from the edge and im gooning
maybe six strokes
will make me bust

filmmaking has ruined my brain
can’t be at the club without critiquing the color editing of the music videos

this power bottom ain’t big enough fer the both of us

why didn't victor just teach the monster to crank his hog? could've saved a lot of lives

ohhhhhh, we gotta talk

Probably my fault for reading the book directly before...

Feels like I'm the only one disappointed in the new Frankenstein movie?

definitely was not because i was watching escape from new york and had no idea

oh gosh darn it, i was too busy being a SEX HAVER to see the aurora tonight , couldn’t be helped

the boy who cried yiff

no just the regular kind of diopter is fine for me thanks

cats don’t like it when you twerk and kiss them at the same time it turns out