I had doritos for breakfast. Today isn't gonna be my day.

My fave author is Harper Queef

Funny you should say that. I'm hoping to have my charter up and running next summer!

I know this may come off as reactionary and possibly a little bit premature but I think this Donald Trump fella might not be on the up and up.

You haven't aged a day

I love lamp

So... Elon decided to remove the block button on Twitter. I'm here full time now. All Garth. All the time.

Guys...I'm starting to think cops aren't really the good guys that Dick Wolf led us to believe.

I wonder if Lou Reed ever even tried walking on the Mild Side. It's not terrible.

Me, giving my grandma's eulogy: "WAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUPPPPP!!!"

Cereal for dinner is NOT pathetic. Screw you!

Can you imagine what Nietzsche would say if he were alive today? He'd likely shit his pants if he saw a Baconator.

I bet I could fight a mountain lion. I'd fucking lose immediately but I could still do it.

What's up, bitches?