A large homemade sign has been erected from a phone pole in front of a house. The sheet (of plywood?) is white, with ragged, orange-red text whose spray-painted letters go downhill and have paint drips trailing down to the bottom of the sign. The lettering looks a bit scary or spooky. The sign says, "DAY CARE". The title above the picture says, "Font choices matter."
Um...
#signage #fonts #fontchoice #funny #daycare
"Oh, wow; you can either put this in the oven for an hour or microwave it for 30 seconds. Damn; that's a tough one "
Not *that* tough....
#cooking #cookingtime #decisionmaking #funny
"People often ask me what is the most effective technique for transforming their life. It is a little embarrassing that after years and years of research and experimentation, I have to say that the best answer is -- just be a little kinder." -- Aldous Huxley
"Captain Yam-omoto" asks: Do you do Sock > Sock > Shoe > Shoe or Sock > Shoe > Sock > Shoe? "Bri Schwapp" replies: What kind of SOCIOPATH does sock shoe sock shoe?
That is *so* wrong!
#socks #shoes #sociopath #funny
A hospital room is shown. The accompanying text says: It's strange to work in a hospital. You know, in one room there's a father holding his son for the first time, in another room there's a son holding his father for the last time. And then in another room there's a guy with a remote stuck in his anus. It's the circle of life.
"It's strange to work in a hospital. You know, in one room there's a father holding his son for the first time, in another room there's a son holding his father for the last time.
"And then in another room there's a guy with a remote stuck in his anus. It's the circle of life."
Where are the adult versions of field trips? Like, "Sorry, boss; I can't come in; I'm at the science museum with a Capri Sun."
Jonathan Edward's Durham says, "Why is nothing positive ever contagious? Like just once after getting sneezed on it would be nice to suddenly know how to play the piano for a while or something".
Ikr?
A picture is shown of a fast-food burger joint. A worker in back is making fries. A woman is standing at the left of the frame. LCD screens overhead show various food offerings... ...except for the third screen from the left, which appears to be showing a video game or a movie (but definitely *not* an item from the restaurant's menu). Above the picture is text, which continues below the picture: "Fun fact: The TV menus at most restaurants have Bluetooth ... and the password is usually either 0000 or 1234."
Naughty, naughty!
#tvscreen #menu #Bluetooth #PasswordFail #funny
A blue plaid cat-bed has been placed atop a piece of furniture, right in front of a window. A mostly-white cat is in the bed, lying on its back, four legs splayed. The caption reads: "So much to do; so little desire to do it".
@Britannica posts a picture of a large, red-backed beetle below the following text: In case you don't have enough keeping you up at night, the adult African Goliath beetle is the size of the Diet Coke can you're drinking, right now.
The fu....?!?
#funny #beetle #goliathbeetle #size #soda #sodacan #sleepless
Porn gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.
The effects of pornography.
#pornography #porn #plumber #funny
A grilled-cheese sandwich is shown. The title above the picture says, "Grilled cheese is made by burning one side and then nervously undercooking the other."
So... I'm doing it right?
#grilledcheese #cooking #CookingFails #funny
A yellow warning sign is shown, having been posted on a phone pole. The top of the sign says "CAUTION" and the bottom of the sign says "PEDESTRIANS". In the middle is a picture of pedestrians running away from a forklift. The slowest runner appears to have been impaled through his torso by the raised forks. The caption above the picture of the sign says, "Apparently being a forklift operator is a lot of fun".
Is this part of the job description?
#forklift #forkliftoperator #pedestrian #PedestrianSafety #funny
Olivia Smith says, "I always love it when people say 'baby steps!' to imply they're being tentative, when actually baby steps are a great unbalanced, wholehearted, enthusiastic lurch into the unknown."
Happy lurching! ❤
#babysteps #effort #learning #striving #love
A gray cat is shown lying on a green couch. Four remotes have been balanced on the cat's side, and a roll of cello-tape is balanced on its head. The caption says, " My cat took my spot on the couch, so I decided to annoy her enough to get her to move. We are at a stalemate."
No, I think she's winning.
A raccoon is shown holding up a crowbar in its right paw, looking as though it has a smile on its face. The caption says, "Some people have guardian angels. I have a raccoon with a crowbar whispering... 'Let's make it worse'."
In the upper one-fourth of the image, there is a text title: "And the optimist of the year award goes to..." In the lower three-fourths of the image, part of a newspaper page is shown, the article's headline being "Crenatorium gets defibrillator".
Winner of the "Optimist of the Year" award is...
#funny #defibrillator #crematorium #irony
A mountain is shown in black silhouette against a star-filled dark blue sky. The picture's text says, "My talent: Not sleeping at night."
Unpopular opinion: I don't think your life has to have a purpose, or you a grand ambition; I think it's okay to just wander through life finding interesting things until you die.
geologywonders1 says, "An absolute insane piece of willow creek jasper". In reply, Blue Heron Farm says, "I'm sorry, but I need you to see this rock that looks like a sandwich that I just found on Instagram". The picture shows the smooth flat of interior of a rock, light brown at top and bottom, with coils of vegetable green and lunch-meat pink. The rock looks exactly like a stuffed club sandwich.
GIRL POWER!!!
Two search-engine parts are shown, along with time-stamps. At 8:43, a user types into Google search the following question: "How to beat girlfriend in an argument". At 8:48, the user asks, "How to apologize to girlfriend".
Don't ask questions that you don't want the answers to.
#winning #argument #searchengine #funny
Subject line: I trained an AI on three months of continuous fart sounds. Here's what happened. Text: So I collected 2.5 million feet samples (approximately three months of non-stop farting) and trained a neural network on them. The results: * It can identify your diet with 87% accuracy from a single fart. * It learned that there are only 7 basic fart types (all others are combinations) * It started generating "fart symphonies" that actually slap. * It predicted the stock market with 52% accuracy (barely better than random, but still). Most disturbing discovery: When I asked it to generate "the perfect fart", it created a 3.7-second sound that made my dog cry and my roommate move out.
![A text chain.
1st poster: If you wouldn't go to someone for advice, don't take their criticism either.
2nd poster: Wait-- whoa
3rd poster: [Original poster] woke up and chose logic today and [I don't know] how I feel about that](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:fvl5e3inmygw3yh3q5sqjuct/bafkreifsbdlu4ldes4b2m3q6omfzbfwmolz33vbhxihrzqfatjaantzde4)
A text chain. 1st poster: If you wouldn't go to someone for advice, don't take their criticism either. 2nd poster: Wait-- whoa 3rd poster: [Original poster] woke up and chose logic today and [I don't know] how I feel about that
A text chain.
1st poster: If you wouldn't go to someone for advice, don't take their criticism either.
2nd poster: Wait-- whoa
3rd poster: [Original poster] woke up and chose logic today and [I don't know] how I feel about that
A computer screen displays a question, followed by three radio-button answer options (so only one option can be chosen at a time), and a "Submit" button at the bottom. The question is, "Are you a sentient human being?" The first answer option is "Yes"; the second answer option is "No". The third option, which has been selected, is "Unfortunately".
Yeah, that tracks.
#funny #sentience #sentientbeings
@allday says, "Thank god attorneys let us know they're attorneys 'at law' so we don't assume they're attorneys at garlic bread or something."
Once you're able to find humor in any situation, you've either reached enlightenment, or you're just a little unhinged.
Imma be the second one.
#funny #humor #enlightenment #findthehumor #unhinged
Jonathan Edward Durham says, "Happy as a clam? A clam? You mean those tiny things with no brain that just chill on the bottom of the ocean all day in their own little private shells and have absolutely no concept of what's going on in the-- never mind, I get it now."
Yeah, I kinda get it, too.
#funny #happyasaclam #clams #ignoranceisbliss
"Henpecked Hal" recounts a conversation with his kids. Son: it's MY toy! Daughter: no, it's MINE! Me: you both lay claim to this toy? I shall chop it in two and give each of you half. Son: AWESOME! Daughter: YES! Me: no, that's not... Kids: CHOP IT! CHOP IT! CHOP IT!
This reminds me of Louise on "Bob's Burgers".
#kids #toys #splitting #Solomon #funny
