fucking meltdown i wanna tear everything apart

tw I am struggling with sh i am sad and stressed i love my job but there’s been so many changes and change is so stressful for me and im cranky im miserable trying to cope with it i just need things to stabilize

I am getting sad again

i am so lightheaded and idk why it’s gotta be the meds i took last night for my back but it should have worn off long ago

I am wearing myself out I get exhausted so easy and usually spend my weekend sleeping and recovering but I spent the weekend with family and didn’t get to recover and now I’m struggling (I’ll be okay just exhausted)

thank you i feel so lucky 😭

it’s so real

I recently learned some victo/rian slang and we need to bring some of this back my fav is “got the morbs” short for morbid like I’m in a bad mood, down in the dumps, depressed - I’ve got the morbs

I am in meltdown territory everything is so much and I want to just turn off I keep snapping (my husband is so great cuz he knows it’s a meltdown thing/not personal and is so helpful comforting me but i’m just so miserable) i really just need to sleep but im so tired idk if i can if that makes sense

I’ll do the best I can but I gotta do the things

my weekend is so busy I am gonna be exhausted I’m kinda worried cuz the level of exhausted could lead to a bad meltdown

but then I feel like that’s also disrespectful to the girl because she doesn’t exist to teach me. but also maybe we could be friends and i could be an ally. or maybe we won’t get along at all. idk there’s so many thoughts and feelings and im confused

but I’m also a little curious because I’ve only met other autistic people who are the stereotypical male or similar to me, and I’m curious about people I’m a psych major because I want to understand all the types of people

also someone who disagrees with my post saying autistic ppl are not diseases or damaged wants me to meet a nonverbal autistic girl, to prove me wrong? And I’m not sure how to handle it. I said I could. But I feel like it’s disrespectful to the girl, being used to show off how damaged she is or smth

none of that is quite it.. part of it is maybe I don’t want them to see me different? idk!? words are hard sometimes 😭

maybe because I don’t want to imply you have to be autistic to care about autistic humanity and rights? or I don’t want them to think I’m biased because of it? or that I’m not “autistic enough”? or maybe I want to convince them with actual logic and not pull at the heart to convince? I don’t know

the ableism on my fb is real ugh I’ve been advocating A LOT for autism stuff (I am autistic, but only a few close friends and family know) and people are coming at me like I don’t know but I won’t say and I don’t have the words for why Ill try to explain..

i don’t even know if i should stay on one of my personal socials cuz it’s the main one with all fam and they’re so conservative and all i wanna talk about is how mad at the current world situation i am and i don’t want to debate it like leave me alone and just read and educate yourselves

ooooo love it! any novel recommendations? i like to read too but cant focus on it very well anymore

i wasn’t brave enough to have lunch but imma have it for dinner today with fruit! hopefully no b/inging

oooo what hobbies??? one of my big ones is crochet!!

thank you! I’ve been keeping it washed and using some gauze the best I can to help keep it dry and it’s already looking better!

oooo i got an elliptical for my bday!! (for free) im excited to use it

thank you!! this is very helpful!

i turned 30 and my body is like okay all the problems. it threw back pain at me that took me out of work a few days (it’s been chronic for like 11ish yrs off and on), now my skin issue and i’ve been having a lot of headaches (it’s honestly not that bad or worse than usual the timing is just funny)

tw tmi medical ? i think i have some sort of skin infection in my belly button 😭 it’s so red and itchy and bleeding a little and it hurts im hoping it’ll resolve within a few days but if not i’ll see a dr :/

okay I made it for dinner with no added sauce and it was great! the carrots were so good i’m so happy i tried this

I need to properly trigger myself ddvjhdgiofwdbjgffdtghh

I made carrots with sriracha and sugar free bbq sauce and soy sauce and spices to put on sandwiches for lunch - veggie sandwiches with flavorful carrots, lettuce, and either bbq or hot sauce (both low cal so either). I’m actually kinda excited to try it

gonna try to start eating lunch 😭 I am so scared of this but I eat too much when I spread out fewer meals cuz I don’t realize how hungry I get til I’m eating. maybe this will help me eat less