I don't wanna hear a soul complain about being fat unless they've broken a chair just by sitting in it

truth

it makes me feel like I learned all this for nothing when my coworkers can run laps around me with a copilot

teaching myself code only for some fuckass to go "dude, use copilot" makes me want to Beat Them With A Frying Pan.

woke up on the right side of the bed AGAIN, TWO DAYS IN A ROW I CAN'T STOP WINNINGGGGG

any name with an X in it, there's a base level of coolness to it. bonus points for a last name. like what do you Mean your name is Xerxes. That's cool as fuck

born to wag forced to work

I NEED TO BE A PORYGON CHAMPION, POKEMON CHAMPIONS PLEASE

can't wait for Porygon to be added to pokemon champions... I need my son .. I need to RISE TO THE TOP WITH MY SON

that one part in Coast Modern's "Pockets Full Of No" be like

(a little less plastiiiiiiiic)

if only I could be paid to yap about porygon

there are some days where it is mandatory that you walk into work cuntily

today is one of those days for me

I may be chopped but who's gonna be my suey

you ever read a tweet so bad it makes you close your browser, ashamed that you share a species with the author

no Porygon at launch in pokemon champions make me want to explode

real

hate when people go "when I said A I actually meant B, I was misinterpreted" no?? I didn't misinterpret, you just said the wrong thing and that's okay, but don't try to pass the blame on me like I'm supposed to understand what you mean when your words said otherwise!

"METROOOOOOOOOOO"

what is a car but a quadrupedal, single purpose mech

crazy how everyone else can use a word interchangeably but the moment I do it it's "ERM ACTUALLY..."

like yes I know smoking and vaping aren't the same thing. but if I say I'm going out for a smoke, details should be irrelevant - I'm out. That's the point

my brain keeps mashing up loser baby and hey soul sister for some reason

"I'm a loser baby, a loser goddamn baby on the radio, stereo, the way you move ain't fair y'know.."

you ever make so many typos that you get frustrated from correcting them and just delete the message altogether before finishing it

like "ahhhh fuck it, can't be bothered anymore"

the whole ubisoft account binding shit for games acquired through steam is stupid and dumb.

There is ZERO reason why ANYONE should be tweakin out because I don't respond to a text at three in the fucking morning

I wish more people would realize that texting is asynchronous communication

I do not owe an immediate response

Quite frankly, I'll respond whenever the fuck I feel like on MYYYYY PHONE and pestering me for a response after all of 5 minutes will make me ignore you out of spite

interesting phenomenon
I don't think I look half bad in work clothes or the right outfit but any other time, I look and feel absolutely chopped

my little way of fighting the system is approving any and all time off requests that hit my inbox

look, I know it's actually pronounced "high-purr-bull-ee" but it's infinitely funnier to say "HYPER-BOWL" in a fake thick country redneck voice

if I were a file extension I'd be .pup

bamco if you're listening for some reason PLEASE REMAKE / MODERNIZE ETERNAL SONATA !!!!! PLEASE!!!!