You’re real to us. We require your weekly stories.

You have the blue checkmark by your name now.

Usually if you tell it “human” a few times or give bad responses or answer 0 to its questions it will finally succumb to your will.

I too aspire to many things that are not within the realm of reality.

You’re not wrong.

Wait, when did we start having humanity? I must’ve missed it.

How about thou shalt smite the pedophile?

I eat many of those, they usually abort a cold if I eat them at the first sign of a tickle in my throat. I usually chew it up and chase with water or something. A pinch of salt helps the burn. A chaser of even a few sips of whiskey also helps.

He wants them convicted so they will be in the market for buying a pardon from him.

So that means there are more jobs available for mediocre white folks to take, right? Unemployment should be going down by their original logic.

Bought by a rich asshole and turned into a Nazi bar? Check.

Didn’t you know they hired precogs?

Ok, moving along then…

She does not know how to read the room.

Actually, in exactly ten years you would have guessed it.

I’ve seen them. They are not pretty.

Finally above 0? That’s shorts weather.

She’s attempting to extort Washington too.

Yeah well if they don’t publish where their operations are, it’s tough to comply with that order.

Here or in a functioning democracy? Because there appear to be absolutely none in this dystopia.

Can we retroactively unemploy our stupid icy sheriff?

Ok, so no threats, but otherwise vile replies are still on the table. How many profanities can one fit in a single text?

It’s not really a bet when it’s a guaranteed outcome.

Yes, THIS is the court order they will finally start to obey.

I really wish that more of the response to the whole Greenland situation was "Greenland is already colonized and cannot gain anything from its colonial rule being switched from one malevolent racist nation to another."

Kalaallit, Inughuit and Tunumiit should be free, autonomous people.

I reported those bastards for targeted harassment.

Because they haven’t yet called him a pedo protector?

This is why we can’t have nice things.

Congress has been nonfunctional for the last two decades. We could use a whole system of government change.

Yeah but as you wait between logging in, the chances that you’ll be greeted by bad news raise exponentially… If you’re constantly on, you’ve at least got a chance at seeing some not-bad news.