As someone who is faint of heart it's very frustrating how much stuff isn't for me

me on a first date: AND ANOTHER THING,

i thought we were chill but i pressed R3 and i can target you and see your health bar, are you mad at me

Image from an early Garfield video game with Jon telling Garfield and Odie “this is gross, sexist, and utterly indefensible. you besmirch the good image of garfposters by posting it.”

six degrees of jerry chen??

Proverbs 15:31

“Whoever heeds life-giving correction
will be at home among the wise.”

enjoy the fool’s den, skip.

i like ice cream. i don't like how ice cream makes me feel.

The Onion wants to make us submissive slaves to the New world order.

Correct.

There’s an old guy at my wife’s grandma’s assisted living thing that gets so excited for his beer. His family brings him one when they visit, two or three times a week usually, and he loses his damn mind over it.

:tenbux: says they go after the boot camp MMR next

There's like seventeen vaccines they give you in the military aside from overseas specific ones...the flu shot is such a non-issue if you're worried about military medical "overreach". In Vietnam they practically shoved a hose up your ass and told you to stop asking questions.

Release the dark gods so that they may bless me with a thousand little kisses all over my body. They want it. I want it. Let's get this party started.

Same but tomorrow. First meeting with this one. Hope your appointment goes well

What if they made your Mii into an NFT token and traded you? How would you play tennis?

jar jar binks got an ass so big make a grown man cry

sorry I never get opportunities to trash Shaq for that so I gotta take them when I get them

Shaq bought Karissa Collins a new SUV. She's a Duggar type with eleven neglected and abused kids. She hopes to die during childbirth for the Lord and whitens her biracial children's skin in photos.

Shaq made them look legit to the public

asking my M*A*S*H doctor if love can bloom on the battlefield

job rejection after job rejection when employers find this during the social media check

shouting "get a job!" at the monster that lurks just outside of my vision at all times

I want peace but I also want to fuck shit up

"Get in the cauldron, bad boy"

Squirt Zero was a hell of a lot better than Crystal Piss

the tides answer to me, playboy

telling my coworkers i had a decadent weekend so they don’t ask any follow-up questions

realtor asking their friend to help their business by spreading the word about houses

sorry, cant post right now. theres a frickin cheeto in the office

in life you will have your scooby doos and scobby donts

thinking about that one grammarly ad where the guy says “i’m a suppository of information” and yeah. me too man, me too

a smiley face as drawn by a kindergartener