I'm so much more talkative high.

God communism is so hot.

My knees hurt so much....

so today mainly consisted of the bad thoughts convincing me my teachers hate me because I'm awkward and my questions are stupid and my work sucks. Might be projection. I kind of hate myself for all of those reasons.

I kind of wish life was meaningless, and we have to make our own meaning. much more appealing compared to being damned to hell apparently.

I feel better.

took a five hour nap. I don't feel better. now I'm tired and restless.

out of it

ugh.

I'm tired, boss

I'm so dissociated. I can barely feel physical pain.

not very sigma. I want to be free. I am once again reminded why I'm not supposed to engage with them at all.

kinda regret dying my hair. having it all the natural colour just feels better.

no I'm not talking in third person, in a way.

I'd like to think of this as aftercare from ς.
:)

I can never assert myself. I can never stay calm enough.

my voice is still shaking. I am such a pussy.

the gaslight.

I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it "the terminator". First I crouch down in the shower in the classic "naked terminator traveling through time" pose. With my eyes

okay on a serious note I had been manipulated to the point I still feel guilty. for not really doing much.

I'd love to play #nullscape

I could really go for some #nullscapesroblox

#nullscape reopening when.

big stuff happening

epic

that moment was so humiliating I could only vaguely hint at the events.

pretty cool

yeah so yk

made some remarks. "Work smarter not harder." anyways what the freak chat ahahaha!

but she was yelling. and that scared me. I felt like I was six again. and she came back from a bad day at work, and after she closed the door behind her she smacked the plastic cup of coke in my hand and yelled, a lot. then made me clean it up and do the dishes. while I did them she casually..

she will not take accountability. that's perfectly fine. see I was under other stressors, and she knew that. what happened at that moment could've been because of her stress too. it isn't an easy process. but as the adult she has to be better. I know I could've been more mature too. I understand.