Or the illegal ones, at least. Same difference, I guess.

Their food isn't straight up poisoned, too.

What reputation of hers does this harm, exactly? She's always been disgusting.

Around this time every year I question whether the stress of tax season is worth being self-employed. And every single year I consider just getting a job working for someone else, getting a W-2, and going back to doing my own taxes. Then I remember that it's much more fun when I'M the idiot boss.

"I believe so. *HIC*"

FTFY

Or Congress. Amazing how effective standing up to a gutless bully is. I learned this lesson in 4th grade, when I was about 2 years more emotionally intelligent than the orange clown is right now.

Don't the Red Sox have the worst record in baseball? They're 12?

An easy rule of thumb is to stop listening to anyone the first time they pronounce it "nuke-u-lar." Clown college.

I'm so tired of this. A quick Google search easily refutes his bullshit, but you have to be intelligent enough to smell the bullshit, and a large portion of his supporters are not.

How did I get WORSE at swallowing as my life progressed?

Ted Danson is so charming that I want to go back and watch Cheers because of this show.

Man on the Inside is also on Netflix, and it's pretty good! Surprisingly sad, but good!

I'm all for the Orange King being president for life AND I'm all for the 22nd Amendment. It can be both, if we're lucky.

Temu Woody Allen. And Woody ain't a great glow-up.

How does he look in military cosplay?

Oh, NOW he doesn't want to broadcast everything?

Illinois is a red state except for those pesky 9M people in the Chicago area!

People who are bored in retirement astound me. I could absolutely find ways to fill my days without the nuisance of work. So many books to read, movies and TV shows to watch, games to play.

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That'll solve it.

Oh, I have some troubling news.

Ignatius was smart, though.

Share a bird pic you took.

It sounds like heaven to be governed by a regime that values education instead of one that intentionally keeps the electorate as dumb and docile as possible.

I miss the days when the US wasn't run by the dumbest mafia ever.

My wife this morning, who fell asleep at halftime: "Sorry the Bears lost."

Me, delightedly: "Oh, do I have a story to tell you."

Chicago is going to be the drunkest it's been since game seven of the 2016 World Series.

Okay, Bears, am I safe to talk shit all day?

Is it even an official statement if it doesn't contain the words "radical," "scum," or "it's the previous administration's fault"?