Jesus Suffering Fuck It's 4:00PM

Scrub My Scrotum With A Scrunge Pad It's 3:00PM

Wank In A Carwash To The Sound Of Steve Wright's Serious Jockin' It's 2:00PM

Even David Icke Thinks You're A Fucking Weirdo It's 1:00PM

This Minge Is Full Of Wasps It's 12:00PM

Put Your Penis In My Fanny It's 11:00AM

Bollocking Cock Shits It's 10:00AM

Take A Shit On Dean Gaffney's Patio Heater It's 9:00AM

Play My Sagging Tits Like A Newton's Cradle It's 8:00AM

Grandad's Pissy Undies It's 7:00AM

Fistfuck My Dignity It's 6:00AM

Rod Hull Gripping The Shaft It's 5:00AM

A Cracking Set Of Norks It's 4:00AM

I Can See Your Balls It's 3:00AM

Fuck This Shit It's 2:00AM

Shag My Menopause It's 1:00AM

Fucking The Wife, Pretending It's Her Mother It's 12:00AM

Shit Through A Colander Held Over My Face And Give Me Faecal Freckles It's 11:00PM

Buy Some Dog Shit Off The Dark Web And Give It To Your Nan It's 10:00PM

Ass On Toast It's 9:00PM

Imagine The Stools Of Bruce Springsteen After A 5-Hour Set In 40C Heat After 60,000 Little Chef Olympic Breakfasts It's 8:00PM

Jizz On A Biscuit It's 7:00PM

At The Third Stroke You Will Spray Your Watery Jizz Over A Picture Of Ann Widdecombe. Beep, Beep, Beep… It's 5:00PM

Remember That Time You Played Soggy Biscuit And Lost? It's 4:00PM

Sheep Shaggers Of The World Unite It's 3:00PM

Piss Up A Rope It's 2:00PM

Slam The Clam It's 1:00PM

Frotting Cocks It's 12:00PM

Buggery In Botswana It's 11:00AM

Did You Know If You Play Sgt Pepper Backwards You're A Cunt It's 10:00AM