"it's the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown" is a tale of a developmentally challenged child with myopia (Marcy) learning what eggs are, and she never quite figures it out. It's quite sad.

Nearly every dermatologist has been dismissive of my "what is this? Is this bad?"
I love how over it they are.

Hamnet is NOT pigs doing Shakespeare

It's a MISS for the @mlb.com to not ask Drake to play the #worldseries in Toronto where then we get Kendrick Lamar to play in Los Angeles. It's not too late, everyone. #Dodgers

I went to Comicon in 2016, and I stand by this tweet from then.

" #ComicCon The only place where Comic Sans is an acceptable #font #comicsans"

Thinkin' about starting all emails and statements with "Listen up, sheeple!" #sheeple

- my tweet from 11/1/2016
It still sounds like a good idea.

In January 2017, I was in an episode of Scorpion on CBS. I did this beautiful #badphotoshop job. This work needed to be preserved before I completely delete my twitter. I'm still proud of myself.

blow up pillow for an airplane where you lean forward, stick your head in a hole and your arms through that rests on the tray table. It looks really dumb.

I got this ostrich blow up airplane sleep pillow in 2017. I ended up using it twice. Turns out, it's not meant for anything longer than a nap. You will also be 100% embarrassing to both yourself and your partner. #traveltips

The Enchanted Tiki Room Dole Whip stand has been playing this video for years. It's my voice! I recorded this in 2010! It took a long time to get into the park, so I'm not totally sure how long it's b... TikTok video by Meiyee Apple 🍏 Comedy Actress

I'm the #dolewhip voice at #disneyland 🍍🍦 And I made a nonsense video about it www.tiktok.com/@meiyeeapple...

It's so cool when white men ask me what nationality I am, and when I respond with #American, they tell me I'm wrong.

- Tweet from 2017, but I still correct people on the difference between ethnicity and nationality (the country in which you are a citizen of).

Methy lady flashed her boobs at me. Had my headphones on, but I think she also mumbled something about white power. How's your walk to work?

- My Tweet from Sep 29, 2017

"Disappointed to find that #Atlanta lacks an #outkast museum"

- my tweet from 2017 when I was shooting something in Atlanta. I am STILL disappointed.

Just argued with my mother that @ubereats.bsky.social delivery drivers are not robbers trying to trick you into eating poison
- tweet from 12/24/2017

I was trying to be nice and send something for X-mas for my mother.

I'm on a customer service chat with someone named Slancy. #slancy #amazon

- my Tweet from 7/31/2018

It's a lemon that looks like a vagina.

My lemon is really laying it all out. #organic #vagina

5 Types of Parents You Know YouTube video by As/Is

I'm in this Buzzfeed video that has over a million views. I have no idea how. I truly have no clue. (and no, that first image is not me, don't be racist) www.youtube.com/watch?v=ys4K...

- tweet from 8/10/2015, it's actually at 5 million now.

I stand by this exactly a decade later:

Miley Cyrus is like a young version of your friend's aunt that makes cheesy jokes and thinks she's "still hip" #VMAs

- my tweet from August 30, 2015

I still mostly only drink flavored carbonated water:

"Read a description of an essenced soda water as being "bubble-forward". I don't think I can anymore. #TopoChico #LaCroix"

Tweet from Aug 9, 2018

I know it's fake, but I would 100% greet someone like that. I had to think, "wait, DID I send this to myself?"

I'm naming the #sneeze I just made a "jazz sneeze" it sounded different, took me on an unexpected journey, and had a lot of Z's #jazzsneeze

- my old tweet from 1/3/19 that I find amusing and wanted to enapsulate before deleting my twitter

I still believe this: 🪺

This may be #controversial to say, but consequences be damned...#easter #candy is fucking gross.
- old tweet from April 17, 2017

"Methy lady flashed her boobs at me. Had my headphones on, but I think she also mumbled something about white power. How's your walk to work?"

9/29/2017 tweet I wanted to keep before I delete twitter

this old Tweet From 7/29/21 still is true:
"Has no one else noticed their aunt answer dumb questions on #Facebook? Pretty sure FB has become a #Boomer activity center where they make comments about their favorite burgers and sign their names. I'm calling it Activitybook from now on."

This is how I saved the world.
Performed minor free library housekeeping.
The first page I opened had something about 420 and marijuana and I can't with this nonsense. #fuckfoxnews

I still do this, because everything is grape. It's too bad that it's been usurped in kind of a cringe way on tiktok that takes the fun out if it.

Tweet from 8/29/2018
I'm going to use "grape" in place of the word "great" from now on because what even matters anymore? #Grape, right. 🍇

Prove me wrong, but I think the older a woman (i.e. talkin bout myself) gets, the more she's into flowers outside. (Lavender, what a delight!) #oldlady

The propaganda machine is real. Calling in the military for nothing but to swing that authoritarian dick around is grade A fascism.
#ilovela

I.C.E. Gestapo has me realizing that fascism is super easy when everyone just cooperates.

An East Texas principal was arrested after paddling a student, renewing debate over corporal punishment Texas is one of 17 states that still permits hitting, spanking and paddling in schools. Republican lawmakers stood by the practice earlier this year in part because they say it was permitted in the Bi...

In high school in Garland, #texas in 1999, I was late for class three times and got sent to the principal's office for a paddling. It was so uncalled for and gross. It did nothing but embarrass me. I am still tardy all the time!

#oldtweet from 8/26/22 (OG link was a paywall @washingtonpost.com)

Here's a gem from pandemic times:

"This grapefruit tastes like weed. Why?"
- #oldtweet from September 5, 2020.