brb, have the zoomies

Cameo but celebrities come over and punch you.

valentine's day is always a hard time for me because of the massacre

open a normal bakery but say everything's "roasted", people will be like "omg I need that"

Tesla having to bribe the guy who (barely) runs it so he might bother to run it more often is hysterical.
bsky.app/profile/nbcn...

The frequency with which Instagram wants me to know they've started offering "Teen Accounts" is really starting to concern me.

Long story short, it was a tough pill to swallow because it was a suppository.

"tube socks" great thanks for clarifying they go *around* your feet

humans, amirite?

All these people obsessed with meritocracy are gonna be pissed because the underworld isn't like that at all.

I took it seriously when the doctor recommended elevation for my hip and long story short I'm the pope now.

the only reason I'd get a cat would be to name it "Getty Images" and confuse the fuck out of people when I posted pictures of it online

If today is your birthday and I care about you, Happy Birthday!

Facts.

owning a Cybertruck is cool because you get to show an insecure billionaire's ego off to your friends

Gee I wonder if that'll make the show. #bb27

You're right - it's worse. In both cases, it's new players being afraid to make the objectively smart move of evicting the experienced player A.S.A.P.

It's week 2 and people are already afraid nominate Rachel.

BB19 says 'hi'. #bb27

That's so pretty.

Anyone else getting Vanessa vibes from this Morgan spiral? #bb27

Zae seems to know more about Survivor than BB - "live cams", etc. I wonder if he auditioned to be a castaway and got redirected. #bb27

I assume this was a typo by @screamscape.bsky.social, but an after-hours, "tunnel of love" alt version of Living With The Land is the Epcot we desperately need.

I've also had crap birthdays celebrated by creeps who were only there to take advantage of me. So I get it, America

I feel like July 4th is the Superbowl at the E.R.

My love language is Model Context Protocol.

Agree to disagree.

Jesus, they really named a state "Massachusetts", huh?

No vibes, can't code.

Any description of the apocalypse is inaccurate if it doesn't include an upside-down ice cream cone slowly melting over a smoldering sidewalk.

I'm just here to contextualize my existence.