They call it Spirit Airlines because you’re dead inside after flying with them.

2025 is my least favorite decade.

Junkyards exist because men procrastinate recycling.

Name a more iconic duo, I’ll wait…

You are such a beta loser. I hope all of the bad things in life happen to you and no one else.

Ugh. This wound is ABSCESSED with me!!!

Ugh. This wound is ABSCESSED with me!!!

Where is everyone going for their Conclave viewing party????

I can’t wait for all those bishops to blaze up who the new pope is.

The toilet after @CoryBooker finished his speech.

It should be said that @rachelzegler is a wonderful actress and it’s not her fault no one wants to see a movie with a wooden actor with a deficit of talent that is @GalGadot

No one should play sports

What if I have a problem with any gender playing sports?

You want me to read the people’s subtext? You mean that thing that says I should leave?? No thanks!

This can’t possibly be the BEST Western?!?!?

Most men don't realize the luxury we have that we can post instagram stories in real time without worrying if people are going to find out where we are and follow us there.

I hope this email finds you withered and clutching to your last threads of life wheezing each breath barely escapes from your lungs as you are praying you’ll be back to your once spry self so that I can tell you, it’s Vicky’s birthday and there is cake in the break room today.

Zelensky and Trump today:

Probably my least favorite neighborhood in NYC.

I’m in the club currently watched videos.

Life was better when you couldn’t watch videos on the club.

A MINOR

Can’t believe they’re showing Drake’s funeral for the #SuperBowl halftime.

Me: Do I want BUTT or CREAM on my cake?

Baker: No, I asked if the icing y-

Me: Butt.

The Chicks (Dixie Chicks) are punk.

A page with the title "LGB Travelers"

‼️ The State Department has REMOVED TQIA+ on their page of recommendations for queer travelers. This page yesterday said "LGBTQIA+" and now just says "LGB".

The federal government is trying to erase trans people from existence.

Oh, you think YOU’RE petty? You ever unfriend someone on VENMO? Yeah, we are not the same.

Before you even TRY to “Babygirl” me just know ONE thing… it will work.

I mean this in a sincere and genuinely curious way. Who gives a shit?

Win? Lose? Doesn’t matter, both are reason enough for Eagles fans to light their city on fire.